Enough
by Rayrawl
Summary: Tony's finally had enough. Enough of being belittled, enough of never being good enough. Enough of being forgotten. Gibbs doesn't remember, the explosion made him forget and Tony couldn't take that anymore. Leaving NCIS seems like a good option, and he knows another agency has their eyes on him. He'll be fine eventually,but will his ex-team mates be able to deal with his depature?
1. Quitting and Mixed Emotions

**Okay, so i know it's probably bad form to have two stories in the same catagory running at the same time, but it's happening. This won't leave me alone, so it's getting written.**

**Also, for the time frame, i'm not really sure. It's after Gibbs' return from Mexico, but we've got Vance as director. It probably shiould be Jenny, but i'm no a fan of her and she wouldn't really work in the situation i'm setting up here.**

**Anywho, i hope you grow to enjoy it!**

* * *

Tony already knew it was going to be a long day, he'd only been in the office a couple of hours, and Gibbs had already head slapped, growled and glared at him more times than he cared to count. There was a migraine building behind his eyes, and he was so tired it made his bones ache. It had been like this since Gibbs had come back, taken his job back without a word to Tony or a care for tearing away his or McGee's new posts within the team. Not that he much cared for McGee at the moment, or Ziva, or Abby. Things has changed since Gibbs' accident, too much. Tony hated almost every second of working with them now, and that wasn't something he wanted to put himself through for much longer.

'Did you even listen to a word I just said DiNozzo?' Gibbs growled, pulling Tony from his thoughts. He thinks he hears Ducky, he'd called and asked for his headache pills ten minutes ago, shouting across the bullpen, making him wince slightly.

'Jethro, don't..' But he doesn't get to finish that sentence, because Gibbs gives him what is possibly the hardest head slap he'd ever received. It takes a second for the white burst of pain to subside, and the battle with the nausea rising in him after that meant he heard nothing Gibbs had said for at least half a minute, he didn't see the smirks of Ziva and McGee, he didn't see the way Palmer and Ducky had frozen, watching him.

'You know what, DiNozzo, if you can't be bothered to listen and do you job then you know where the door is.' Tony looks up just in time to catch the way Gibbs' jaw clenched as he nodded towards the elevator. Tony sighed, and looked up at Gibbs for a second, considering.

'Fine.' He sighed, loud enough to bring shocked looks to every agent who had stopped to watch Gibbs blow up in his agents face again. 'Fine, you want me to go? I'm going. I'm done.' Tony stood, unclipped his badge from his belt and pulled his gun from the shoulder holster, checking for chambered rounds and making sure the safety was on. Slowly, he made his way towards Gibbs' desk, he'd moved to sit while he shouted at Tony for his 'incompetence.' Tony dropped both items in from of Gibbs.

'The information on the suspects whereabouts is on my desk, completed before you even came in this morning. I hope it helps.' With that he turned and headed for the stairs leading to MTAC and the directors office without a second glance at anyone. The walk to the desk before Vance's office felt like the longest walk of his life, but he knew he had to do this now, or he'd never build up the nerve to do it again.

'Cynthia, I need to see the director. It's important.' The timid brunette nodded with a concerned look on her face, she'd heard snippets of the conversation that had taken place when people had opened and closed the door to her office. She didn't say anything though, instead picking up the phone and putting through the call to the director.

'He said you can see him now, if it's quick.' Cynthia replied quietly, finally putting the phone down. Tony gave her a tiny smile, a shadow of the one he'd come to NCIS with, and turned to enter the directors office.

'Agent DiNozzo, what can I do for you today?' Vance was perched on the side of his desk, with a newspaper in his hand and a toothpick hanging out of his mouth.

'Consider this conversation my resignation, I'll get the write up to you tomorrow, effective immediately. I've handed my gun and badge to Agent Gibbs, so if I can just sign my legal forms, I'd like to leave as soon as possible.'

Vance just blinked at him for a moment, trying to figure out whether he was telling the truth or not.

'Agent DiNozzo, are you sure? What's sparked this sudden decision to leave, are you sure you just don't need some holiday time? You have plenty to take..' Tony sighed, he'd expected some resistance, but he just gave Vance a look like he knew he wouldn't put up too much of a fight.

'I need out, director. I can't work with them anymore, I can't work with him anymore, and I know you know why.' Vance just blinked at him again.

'He still hasn't remembered?'

'Would I be leaving the others to watch his six if he had?' Tony replies curtly, bowing his head and pinching the bridge of his nose with his fingers. 'The legal forms director, so I can leave.' Vance sighed, forcing Tony to look back up at him.

'There's nothing I can do to make you stay?' Tony shook his head. 'Well then, I'll have HR send out the forms, take the days until they get back to me as paid holiday.'

'Thank you.' Tony replied with a nod, turning back towards the door.

'Oh, and DiNozzo?' Vance coughed behind him, opening up the newspaper he had been reading and not looking back up when Tony turned around with his hand on the door handle. 'If you're serious about leaving, call Fornell and ask him to set up the meeting. I know the FBI has plans for you.' Tony tried to hide the tired smirk that threatened to explode from his face. He already knew, Tobias had told him the FBI had wanted him after they got to be friends after Gibb's accident. He didn't know exactly what they wanted him for, but it was important enough for Fornell to keep pushing even when Tony had been resolute about sticking it out with NCIS.

'Thanks director.' Tony replied, not waiting for anything in return, he left the room quietly with a small nod and a smile to Cynthia. He descended the stairs and rounded into the bullpen, met by unbelieving stares from pretty much every agent in the building. The only people who weren't staring in shock were Palmer and Ducky, who were watching him from beside his desk with some kind of weird quiet pride.

Tony unfolded a box from behind his desk and began dropping things into it, the mighty mouse stapler, the mug Ziva had gotten him for Christmas her first year in America, the team picture of them all, the little photo of Kate taped to his computer screen. He moved onto his desk, emptying it of everything that belonged to him until he got to the locked box of Gibbs' medals in his bottom draw. He paused and pulled in a breath, which finally gave the others some kind of signal to start interrogating him.

'Tony, surely you are not leaving? What else will you do other than this, where would you go?' Tony didn't miss the way Ducky's eyes narrowed at Ziva as she talked, and he shook his head minutely in his direction, telling him that now was not the time.

'Dunno, Ziva. Away from here, I guess.' Ziva just gaped at him in surprise, everyone else was still watching them.

'Why would you even want to leave, you've got a good thing here Tony!' McGee sneered, drawing glares from the others in the office area.

'Yeah right, with the way you guys have been treating him..'

'That's enough, Nick.' Tony cut the agent across the room off with an apologetic smile that got a small nod in return. Gibbs still hadn't said anything, just watched as Tony bent down again and pulled out a locked box and a set of keys out of his draw. Tony made his way over to Gibbs' desk once again, and placed the box down with much more care than he had his gun and badge.

'These are yours, I guess I don't have a right to keep hold of them anymore..' He couldn't look up at Gibbs, because he knew Gibbs didn't remember this. Knew he didn't know what was in that box that could mean so much to Tony, enough to make his Senior Field Agent's voice crack, his eyes water with tears before he blinked them away. Finally, Tony turned away, slipped his suit jacket back on and picked up his box of stuff. Ducky put a hand on his arm as he went to pass them, holding him still near Ducky and Palmer.

'Will you be okay?' Ducky was asking not only about what had just happened, as upsetting as it was, but about the migraines that could have Tony reduced to tears in mere moments if he wasn't careful.

'I'll be fine, the ones I took before work should hold out until I get home.' Tony replied in a whisper before sharing a small smile with the two medical professionals. 'Dinner is still happening at mine tomorrow, if you're coming?' They both nod. 'Good, I guess I'll see you both then.' Tony doesn't spare a glance back at the team that was once his family as he moved towards the elevator with his things, instead accepting the pats on the backs and small smiles from the other agents he passed until eventually those doors closed around him and he could slump against the wall, trying not to cry.

* * *

'You have no idea what you've just lost.' Ducky turned to the others, all frozen in the bullpen. He was angry, and hurt, seeing them all react so idiotically to Anthony's departure. 'Absolutely no idea what that man has done for you all, what he has done for everyone he has ever come across. You have no idea how far you must have all pushed him to cause this.' Ducky strode into the middle of their work area and glared at them all.

'What do you mean, we have not done anything to him?' Ziva exclaimed, crossing her arms and looking indignant. At least three other agents snorted at that, earning them glares that they ignored.

'You have done nothing?' Ducky exploded. 'How can you even say that? Tony has tried to hold this team together, only to have you all throw it back in his face with mistrust, mistreatment, belittlement, jokes and those silly 'you're not Gibbs.' remarks.' He was still focused on Ziva as he continued, his voice raising with every new word. 'You believing him to be silly, idiotic, a frat boy with no goals and aspirations. You believe yourself the better fighter, the more loyal. You're wrong.' He whirled around, turning to face an increasingly pale McGee. 'And you. The same, only you choose to ignore his intelligence, his degree's, many which rival yours. His dedication and his ability to take the force of whatever mood you ever infallible boss is in without either of you getting any backlash from it.' McGee spluttered, looking suddenly as indignant as Ziva.

'What do you mean, degree's? He has a degree in phys ed!' Tim practically shouted.

'You have been in his home, haven't you?' Ducky leaned his palms down on McGee's desk, towering him. Tim just nodded. 'You have been in his apartment and yet you choose to ignore the Harvard Alumni letters he has lying around, the jerseys and sweaters and other items of big, important universities. Tony has a degree in physical education, yes. But he also has a degree in Criminology from Harvard, a degree in computer science from MIT. Just to mention a few! He took lessons in both psychology and biology during his first three years as an officer of the law and passed all of his exams. He's the youngest police officer to have been awarded a commendation for bravery, if he'd been in the military, the boy would have gotten a medal of valour by now.' Ducky concluded, his face was red, his voice as loud and as violent as he could get it, and McGee looked shell-shocked.

'But.. Why would he- I don't understand!' Ducky shook his head and stood straighter.

'No, you do not. You have to use your education to make yourself better than others, Timothy, whereas Tony would prefer to keep it quiet and less boastful. He always looked after you, and Ziva, and you Gibbs.' Ducky had finally turned to face their usually unflappable leader. 'He always..' Ducky sighed, he really shouldn't have said the things he had already said, and he really should not be getting into the issues with Gibbs without Tony's express permission. 'Never mind, I'm sure you will all never understand, and will find a way to blame Tony for this all when your team can no longer function without him.' With that, and a sad, tired look at them all, he waved Palmer to follow him and left them to their devices. There was nothing more he could do now, and he had meant it when he said they would never understand, so why waste time trying to make them. He should concentrate on Tony, and how the poor lad must be doing.

* * *

Half past seven in the evening found Tony in a bar not far from his apartment, nursing a beer and waiting for Fornell to turn up. He'd rang the FBI agent once he'd gotten the upcoming headache under control.

'Two beers, two scotches, two fries please.' Tony smirked at the order, it was the same they got in any bar they ever went in.

'Took your time, Tobias.' Tony turned towards the older man, who was smiling at him.

'You know me, 'Nozzo. I like to keep 'em waiting.' Tony chuckled. 'So, what's up with the emergency booty call?'

'You wish.' Tony smirked at him, then sighed and dropped the expression. 'I quit NCIS.' There was a multitude of emotions flowing across Fornell's face, somewhere between concerned and ecstatic.

'Okay..' Fornell began, trying to judge Tony's mood, and failing. 'So, what caused that?' Tony shrugged.

'I don't really know, under appreciation, tired of it. He still doesn't remember, and I can't stand that anymore.' Fornell just nodded. 'I can't be there anymore, can hardly trust them to have my back in the field.'

'I know.' Fornell replied. 'It was just a matter of time before they lost you, Tonio, best it happened this way. At least we have a slammin' job lined up for you.' That brought the smirk back to Tony's face.

'Actually, that's why I called you. Set the meeting up, as soon as possible.'

'You sure?' Fornell grinned at him, collecting up their beers and a basket of fries while Tony got the others and they headed to a newly free booth.

'Very sure. I'm done at NCIS.' Tony replied once they were settled in.

'Well I'll drink to that.' Fornell raised his beer, clinking it against the scotch glass Tony had picked up.

A trip to the bathroom and two drinks later, Fornell finally announced to Tony that the meeting was set up.

'But-How?!' Tony spluttered.

'I'm more technologically advanced than Gibbs.' Fornell smirked, 'I text the director. He and I are old golf buddies.'

'Ahh.' Tony replied, suddenly looking nervous.

'Hey, don't worry about it Tonio, okay? You'll do great, they're not even interviewing you, they're offering you a job, and it's big. That's all I'm telling you. Just be there at 9 tomorrow, and say yes.' Fornell replied, downing the rest of his scotch and standing. 'Go home, DiNozzo. Big week for you.' Tony nodded, standing to follow Fornell out the door and heading their respective ways. He only lived a block away, and he had some things to think about before he crashed for the day.


	2. Offers and Leaving for Good

**Kind of OOC for Tony this chapter. Just a little though, on how not sure of himself he is. I hope you enjoy it!**

* * *

It was unexpected, Tony just walking out like that. He hadn't seemed angry, just tired, upset, something he couldn't place his finger on. There were holes in his memory, he knew he was forgetting something important about Tony, but he couldn't quite figure it out. Like something that tastes like something else, but you can't remember what the something else is. Whatever it is, whatever is was, Tony hasn't told him, but it's felt like he's been waiting for Gibbs to remember something for the past year.

For the life of him, Gibbs can't figure it out, and it's driving him crazy.

Just like the medals and awards that are filling the box he has in front of him on the work bench. They're all his, all under lock and key, and DiNozzo had them all. Gibbs couldn't remember why Tony had them, he hardly even remembered getting them. But somewhere, something, inside of him was telling him that this was something important, this was something he had to remember no matter what. He either figured this out, or he'd lose Tony forever.

Ducky had shocked him too, with his outburst. He'd known the elderly doctor held DiNozzo in high esteem, but he did not know just how high. Gibbs knew about Tony's education from re-reading his file when he came back to NCIS after the accident, but he did not know about the bravery award. He also knew that without him on the team, they would struggle. Ziva and McGee might be good agents, but they didn't quite realise how much of the work Tony actually did. From finding information, to proof reading their reports for them. He had everyone's six, and until they convinced Tony to come back, or found a suitable replacement, they couldn't go out on the field. They'd be a damaged team now. Gibbs knew that much, at least.

* * *

9 am came around quickly, and it found Tony sitting in a hallway of the Hoover building, waiting for the director of the FBI to call him into his office. He was wearing what Ziva had once called his 'suit of armour', the suit he wore when he was worried, or working a hard case, or something big was about to happen. Crisp white shirt, thin black tie, black slacks, black jacket. Shiny black, very expensive shoes.

'Mr. DiNozzo?' There's a young, timid looking red-head standing in the doorway to the directors office looking at him. He's the only one out there in the corridor.

'Yeah, that's me.' He chuckles nervously, standing and making his way towards her.

'The director is ready to see you now.' She moves backwards, holding the door open while gesturing to another set of double doors. Tony proceeds with a small smile and a nod to her, and the nerves in his stomach are making him feel somewhere between excited and nauseated. Tony knocks on the doors, and waits for the 'come in' before he pushes it open and finds the office very similar to the one Vance sits in at NCIS.

'Ah, Mr. DiNozzo, come in! Sit down, get comfy.' The director smiles at him, holding out a hand for Tony to shake before he sits down in a leather chair opposite him.

'Please, call me Tony. Thank you for such a quick meeting, Mr Director.'

'Call me Bob, Tony. And thank you, for agreeing to a meeting. We've been watching you for a while now.' Bob smiles at him.

'Agent Fornell told me, whenever I was done with NCIS… Well, I am now. So I'm pretty interested in what you want to offer.' Tony replies, tapping his fingers nervously on the arm of the chair.

'Ah, Fornell.' They both share a smirk. 'Well, we do have something big to offer you. Tell me Tony.. How do you like Italy?' Tony's brow furrows in confusion, because this is now making no sense.

'Italy is great, I haven't had chance to head back this year though.' Tony replied, confusion thick in his voice.

'Your Italian still good?' It's on Tony's resume that he can speak fluent Italian.

'Ancora fluente.' Tony smiles, enjoying the way the language still came as second nature to him. Bob grins in return.

'I'm going to assume that means yes.' Tony chuckles and nods. 'Which is good, because the FBI and Interpol are creating.. Something that we would like you to be involved in.'

'What kind of something are we talking?'

'A joint special operations department in Italy, one we'd like you to head.' Tony splutters, staring open mouthed at the director who Is grinning madly at him. 'It's a six months there, six months here situation. You'll be in charge of something close to 35 agents from both Interpol and the FBI in groups of 7 between here and Italy.'

'You want me to be the head of.. Italian special operations?' Tony says slowly, trying to figure it out in his head. He's spinning. God, he's missed Italy, but he was sure he'd miss America too, and this was giving him the best of both worlds. It would be a challenge he needs, something fresh. A new start, somewhere he'd be respected and remembered and could make a difference.

'So, yes or no, Tony?' The director is still smirking at him. He obviously knew there was only one answer to this. It was the job of Tony's dreams!

'Ah, yes.' Tony says without hesitation. 'You knew I'd say yes.' Tony runs a hand over his face, sighing and laughing slightly at the same time.

'I'd had some hope.' The director replies, smiling broadly. Tony nods and sighs again, sitting forward a little.

'So, when do I leave?'

* * *

'You gave me no warning, and you so knew!' Tony laughed as he climbed out of Fornell's car. He'd picked him up for lunch after Tony's meeting had finished. Fornell chuckled at him.

'Course I knew, but it was so worth it to see you this excited about something.' Tony smiled a little more gratefully at his friend as they took a seat in the diner.

'Two coffee's, burger and fries for me. What you want Tony?' They paused their conversation as the waitress comes over to them, she's young and pretty, batting her eyelashes at Tony.

'I'll take the burger too, if you wouldn't mind.' Tony grins up at the waitress, who blushes and looks away from him as she takes his order. Fornell kicks him lightly under the table.

'You remember the part about liking guys, right Tony?' Tony just chuckles in reply.

'So, you going to miss me while I'm in Italy?' Tony asks, teasingly.

'You'll be back soon enough.' Fornell rolls his eyes. 'Emily'll miss you though.'

'Tell her she can come to dinner with Ducky and Palmer at my place tonight if she wants. You're both welcome.'

'I'll tell her, thanks..' The waitress is back quickly, depositing coffee's in front of them and smiling under her bangs at Tony again.

'You're going to do great in Italy, Tonio. Don't even sweat it, you'll be a natural.'

'I know.' Tony grins, cockily, but they both know he's not quite that sure about it really.

'I mean it, Tony. You'll do great.'

'Thanks, Tobias.' Tony sighs, smiling a little smaller at the other man.

'Not a problem.' Fornell takes a drink of his coffee, before smirking at Tony again.

'What?' Tony asks, rolling his eyes.

'I'm so coming with you to NCIS after lunch to see the look on their faces when you tell them!' He laughs.

'What makes you think I'll tell them?'

'If you don't, I will.' Fornell replies, leaning back as the waitress is back again, depositing their food in front of them.

'Fine.' Tony sighs, holding his hands up in mock surrender. 'But at least try to be civil, okay? Tobias just snorts and gets on with eating his food, earning him a glare and an eye roll from Tony, before he too began to eat. This afternoon would need a lot of energy.

* * *

'Can we not take the back entrance and sneak up to see Vance?' Tony whines, Fornell has his hand on Tony's arm, leading him towards the elevator that will take them directly to the bullpen.

'Nope. You're a big boy, Tony. And you have nothing to hide for, so we're going to go in there, right in front of them.' Tony sighs, but he knows he's been beaten. Fornell isn't going to let him be a chicken about this. The first ding of the elevator makes Tony jump, and his heart is racing as they travel further and further upwards. The second ding, the one that tells him they're at the floor he used to work on, makes him want to run away.

'You'll be fine.' Fornell stage whispers, before pushing him out of the elevator in front of him. Tony is met by smiles and waves from some of the other agents. Nick, the one that spoke up yesterday, gives him a pat on the shoulder and a 'about time you stood up to them' before wandering away. He can feel the eyes of his team, his ex team, baring into his back, but he spares them no glance as he heads towards the stairs that will take him to Vance. All he wants to do is hand in his written resignation, sign his forms now instead of waiting for HR to send them out, and leave without any fuss. But he had to leave Fornell down in the bullpen, so that last part was doubtful.

Cynthia just smiles at Tony and nods towards the directors office like they've been waiting for him. Taking a deep breath, he pushes the door open and is greeted by Vance on the phone. Tony goes to step out, but Vance waves him towards a chair instead.

'He's just walked in Bob, but thanks for the update.' Vance chuckles. 'Yeah, I know. This Saturday? Sure, see you there.' He puts the phone down and smiles slightly at Tony.

'Director of FBI.' Vance explains, the smile growing into a grin. 'Tells me you've got something important to tell me.' Tony blushes a little and clears his throat.

'Head of Special Operations with Interpol and FBI in Italy.' Vance nods, still smiling.

'Big job, up to it?'

'Never been more ready for something, sir. I miss Italy, I need something to challenge me, and I need away from here for a while. It's perfect.'

'Good pay, too.' Vance states, Tony chuckles.

'Yeah, there's that too.' Vance sighs after a few seconds of scrutinising Tony. He hands over a pile of paper from his desk, Tony's discharge from NCIS forms. Tony pulls out the pen sitting in his inside pocket, flipping through the pages and signing at the correct places. It's only been five minutes when he hands them back.

'That eager to leave NCIS?'

'No, sir. But I am looking forward to a new start.' Tony shakes his head, looking down.

'Understandable, so enjoy the time before you leave, but please go get Fornell out of the bullpen before he starts a riot.' Tony laughs. 'And there's a job here, if you ever want back into NCIS, DiNozzo.'

'Thanks, Director.' Tony reaches out a shakes his hand, leaving the office not even ten minutes after he'd walked in.

He descends the stairs in time to hear Fornell tell Gibbs he was being an idiot.

'You got no idea what you've done to that boy, Jethro. No idea what your team has done to him the past year.' Fornell sneers.

'Oh, and you do?' Gibbs almost shouts back.

'I do, 'cause he needed a friend.' Fornell shoots back, Tony's by his side by now, next to his old desk.

'Tobias, stop it.' Tony murmurs, trying not to meet the accusing glares from the others on his team.

'Tony, he needs to know..'

'Not like this.' Tony cuts him off, shooting him the 'shut up' glare. An uneasy silence falls upon them until Ziva decided to comment.

'So, you have deserted us for the FBI?' She sneers. Even Gibbs shoots her a warning glare.

'I haven't deserted anyone, you and McGee did that all for yourselves the past year.' McGee doesn't even comment, he's still reeling from Ducky's revelations yesterday and isn't quite sure how to feel.

'So you do not consider leaving us a agent down a desertion?' She demands, arms crossed, her expression incredulous.

'No. You'll find another agent, another poor guy to do your paperwork, to ridicule, to put in danger. I'm done with it.' Ziva splutters.

'We have done none of that!'

'So, you didn't hand me your notes and ask me to finish your report last week, and you and McGee didn't turn off comms while I was out canvassing because you didn't want to listen to me babble?' Ziva has nothing to say to that, because those are both things they had done.

'They did what?' Gibbs asks, hands clenched by his sides, glaring between Ziva, McGee and Tony.

'It doesn't matter anymore.' Tony pinches the bridge of his nose with his fingers and squeezes his eyes shut. This is exactly what he'd hope to avoid. 'It doesn't matter, I'm leaving now. Come on Fornell, time to leave.'

'Tony..'

'Fornell, leaving, now.' The older man sighs but nods his head, shooting Gibbs a glare at the same time.

'Wait, DiNozzo.' Gibbs calls out as they make their way to the elevator. 'Where are you going, what's the new job?' Tony turns around slowly, trying not to let the past ten minutes affect him too much. He's about to speak when a voice from above them replies instead.

'He's the new head of Special Operations between Interpol and FBI.' Vance calls, every agent in the bullpen is now looking between Fornell and Tony, the rest of the team and Vance. The other members of the team are staring at him, opened mouthed, eyes wide. Gibbs is the first to recover.

'Interpol… Where are you going?'

'Italy.' Tony murmurs his response, but it reaches Gibbs in time to shock him into silence once again, and Tony climbs into the elevator, leaving them behind once and for all.

He hoped.


	3. Dinner and Confusion

**You guys are so amazing! Thank you for all the amazing comments, all the follows and favourites. I could not appreciate it more. **

**Hopefully, this will help clear up some of the confusion over the Gibbs/Tony relationship in this story that some of you have expressed.**

**Also- i should probably tell you that i don't have someone beta my stories so any and all mistakes are mine, and i apologise for them.**

**Hope you enjoy it!**

* * *

'Tony, Tony! Daddy told me we were coming to see you tonight so I drew you a picture!' Emily slammed into Tony, wrapping her arms around his waist for a hug while he smirked at Fornell.

'You did! Let me see it?' Emily unwraps herself, thrusting a piece of paper into his hand that has a stick man of Tony and a childish drawing of a FBI badge next to him.

'Daddy told me you were going to be working at the same place as him only far away. I don't get it, how can you be at the same place but far away at the same time?' The little girl has her hands on her hips, and she's glaring between Tobias who's stood in the doorway to the kitchen and Tony.

'I work for the same people, Em. The feebies, y'know? But my new job's gonna be all the way out in Italy.' Emily's expression changes from one of confusion to one of petulant anger.

'No!' She exclaims, hands still on her hips.

'What to you mean, no?' Tony chuckles.

'Mommy went to Italy once and left me with Daddy. I didn't see her in weeks and whenever she called Daddy always had to wake me up because the times were all funny. You're not allowed to go all that way away!' Tony wants to cry. This 8 year old girl is more concerned about him leaving than a team that's known him years. He crouches down so he can look her in the eye, putting his hands gently on her shoulders.

'Em, I promise I'll never call you when it's late here okay? I'll get up at weird times to call you instead. And I'm sure your dad won't mind if we Skype sometimes so you'll still see me lots.' Now Emily's the one that looks like she's on the verge of tears.

'Hey, Kiddo. What's wrong?' She throws herself forward with a surprising amount of force and burrows into Tony's shirt.

'Did I do something wrong? Is that why you won't stay here in 'merica with us for real?' Emily mumbles into his t-shirt. He throws a glance at Fornell, who just gives him an apologetic shrug.

'No, Emily. You did nothing wrong okay. It's just a really good job, and I miss Italy. You know how much I love Italy, right?' He feels a slight nod into his shirt. 'I'm going to miss you lots, Emily. Promise. And we'll talk all the time, and I'll be back in 6 months to work in America for a little while.' Finally Emily pulls away and looks up at him, tears drying on her face.

'6 months? So you're going to be back in like. December, January, February, March, April, May.. You'll be back in May?' She counts off on her fingers. Tony nods, giving her a smile.

'I'll be back in May, in time for your birthday. Promise.'

'You have to ring all the time, okay? Like, whenever you can.'

'Promise.' Tony finally stands back up just as there's a knock on the door. 'Hey, why don't you and your dad go get some drinks out the refrigerator while I get Ducky and Jimmy?'

'Sure!' She grins at him, hopping off to grab Fornell's outstretched hand and disappear into the kitchen. Tony takes a deep breath, trying to get himself under control, before he opens the door with a small smile on his face.

'Hey, Jimmy, Ducky. Come on in! Tobias and Emily are in the kitchen getting drinks. Dinner shouldn't be long.' Both men step inside as Tony shuts the door behind them.

'Emily's here?' Jimmy asks, grinning. He and Emily get along too well sometimes, she took a liking to him after he was the only one to play dress up with her. Tony nods and then waves a hand in her general direction, and Jimmy promptly heads off. Moments later there's shouts of 'Jimmy, daddy look! Jimmy's here!' that makes Ducky and Tony chuckle.

'Are you alright, Anthony?' Ducky asks quietly before they head off after them.

'Yeah, Duck. I'm doing okay. It was hard telling Emily that I was leaving but she's okay now I promised to ring and Skype and come back eventually.'

'Ah, she has you wrapped around our little finger, does that one.' Ducky chuckles, and for the first time in a while Tony lets out a genuine, happy laugh that makes Ducky grin harder. 'Now come along, it's been a long day and I'm famished.' Tony just nods and follows Ducky into the kitchen. Jimmy's suddenly wearing a tiara, and Fornell is doubled over laughing at something Emily's just said.

'Oh god, princess Palmer.' Fornell snickers, wiping happy tears out of his eyes.

'Quiet, Town crier Tobias.' Jimmy retorts, dumping a little plastic bell in his hand and throwing him a funny shaped hat. 'Queen Emily want's you to stop laughing at us so we can get to eating.'

Tony's in the process of pulling garlic bread and lasagne out of the oven, whilst the others try and get Fornell's hat situated properly, when the door bell rings.

'Expecting someone else, Tonio?' Fornell calls from the table, batting away Palmer's hand finally to try and get the stupid hat to stay in place himself.

'Nope. Can you finish this while I go see who it is?' Ducky is by his side a moment after, grabbing the tea towel Tony was using to get things out of the oven. Tony nods his thanks at him and moves towards the door as the doorbell is pressed again, held down longer this time to make the shrill ringing carry on longer.

'I'm coming, I'm coming. Keep your hair on.' He mutters under his breath, wiping his hands on his jeans before pulling the door open.

'Abs, what're you-' The Goth cuts him off, pushing past him into the hallway and then turning to face him, hands clenched by her sides.

'Don't you Abs' me! How could you?!' She demands. Tony takes a deep breath, pausing to shut the door before he turns to face her. He knows the others are listening because everything in the other room has suddenly gotten quiet.

'Abby, now is not the time to do this.' Tony replies, crossing his arms across his chest and sighing as her face twists in anger.

'When is the time, Tony? When you abandon us for the FBI and Italy?'

'I'm not abandoning any of you, you all abandoned me after Gibbs' accident. I have a new job in a country I love. Why wouldn't I leave?'

'We're your family!' She screeches. 'And we never abandoned you!' Tony just scoffs at both of those statements, refusing to dignify that with an answer.

'I forbid you from leaving.' She growls, her voice dropping an octave as she takes a step closer to him. Tony stands up straighter, dropping his arms to his sides.

'You can't forbid me anything, Abby. Who do you think you are?'

'I'm- we're you're family, Tony. You can't leave us like this.' Abby replies, turning on the tears.

'Not anymore, Abs. Not for a long time.' Abby splutters, eyes wide and an incredulous look plastered on her face.

'How dare you, after everything we've done for you!' Without warning, her hand flies out to slap him, shocking Tony into stumbling backwards. There are muffled gasps and someone murmuring 'stay back there, Emily.' Tony watches as Abby takes a step forward, before someone calls out.

'Don't you hit Tony! You are nasty. If you were family you wouldn't hurt him!' Apparently, Emily ignored whoever gave her the warning, and she's stood a little in front of her father, who's watching her with pride. Abby spins on her heel, shocked. 'You should leave before my daddy arrests you for being bad. He can, y'know. He's a feebie.' Emily says it the way Tony taught her too, with a slight sneer in her voice that makes Fornell grimace and smile at the same time.

'She's right, you did just assault the head of FBI and Interpol Special Operations. Do you know that attacking a federal agent is a crime, Ms. Sciuto?' Fornell has stepped forward, pushing Emily back a little until Jimmy grabs her hand and puts her between himself and Ducky. Abby whirls around to face Tony again, anger twisting her face into something unrecognisable.

'Gibbs wouldn't let you press charges against me!' She shouts at him.

'Gibbs doesn't own me, anymore. You should really leave now Abby.'

'Tony, please..' She takes a step forward, forcing Tony to take another step back. He's close enough to the door again to pull it open.

'Leave, Abby.'

'But I-'

'Abigail, Tony is being quite serious. You should leave.' Ducky is staring at her with a stern expression, his hands folded behind his back, blocking Emily's view of the scene in front of them. Abby glances back at him before sighing and glaring at Tony as she stomps out of his apartment. There's a second before the familiar arms of Emily are around him for the second time in this hallway today.

'I'm sorry that I shouted at her but she was being so mean!' Tony runs a hand down her hair and sighs.

'It's alright, Emily. I'm glad you did okay? Now, you wanna get finished dressing your town crier so we can eat?'

'Sure.' Emily smiles up at him, dashing away into the kitchen to find the rest of her dress up toys. Once she's happily sorting through the box that has taken up residence in Tony's apartment, he turns to the others in the room.

'I'm good, guys. Lets eat.' It's alike an orchestrated movement, the way they all take a breath and then one step closer to him.

'Tony, are you sure you're alright?' It's Palmer who asks, and Tony smiles up at his friend. Jimmy had become a confidant, a sounding board for idea's and woes, a genuine friend over the past year and Tony couldn't appreciate that more.

'I'll be fine, Jimmy. Lets just enjoy the rest of the night, okay? I want the time before I leave to be as great as possible so I actually remember to come back once in a while.' Tony's kidding, kind of. They can all see it in him, especially now, the desire to leave for Italy and not return to the USA. Too much hurt, too many memories here. Heck, he'd moved apartments when he realised Gibbs didn't remember what they were to each other, because there was memories of them all over that apartment. Leaving the country to escape a city's worth of memories probably wasn't too far a stretch for him. The others take another moment to watch him closely, before nodding and turning back towards the kitchen where Emily is setting out all her clothes for the others in neat rows on the floor.

It might not have been the perfect night he'd wanted, but it was about as close as he had come this past year.

* * *

Italy.

Italy.

Italy.

It had been running around in his head since Tony had murmured it in the bullpen. He'd gone back to normal, barked orders at people and glared and growled, but underneath all that, Gibbs was confused and frustrated.

Italy meant something, something more than just Tony leaving them for this job. It felt important, like this could be the precipice of remembering something that could change his entire world, but he couldn't quite place it. The memory wasn't coming back, no matter how many times he ran the word 'Italy' around and around in his head. Finally, he gave up on trying to control what was left of his team and let them go early so that he could sit in his basement with a boat and some bourbon for company.

By the time he's cut the third piece of wood at the wrong angle, and he realised he was all out of bourbon, Gibbs gave up on trying to work on anything or trying to calm himself enough to let the itch the word 'Italy' had caused go. Instead, he stomped up the basement stairs and collapsed on his sofa, leaning his head back, he scrubbed at his tired eyes and harshly dragged his nails over the spot where his stitches from the injuries caused by the explosion had been. It didn't hurt anymore, other than the occasional headache, it was just a reminder to himself that it had happened. Finally, after taking several deep breaths, Gibbs reopened his eyes and tried to focus on anything but the thoughts in his head. His eyes roamed around the room, trying to find anything to occupy his time.

Since he'd moved back into the house, Gibbs had slowly been finding things that didn't seem familiar. Like the sweatpants in his drawer that were far too long in the leg for him, or an aftershave he didn't remember buying and didn't think suited him in his master bathroom. There was an afghan thrown over the back of his chair that was soft and old, but wasn't his that he can recall. The biggest change though, is the laptop that's sitting on a desk in the corner of his sitting room. He'd figured when he'd first discovered it that he'd finally caved and gotten one, but it didn't feel right to him. Yet with no proof otherwise, and an unwillingness to ask, he figured that must have been what happened.

Now though, the laptop seemed different. The word Italy, and the laptop. They were connected, somewhere in the deep subconscious of his brain there was something about Tony, Italy and that laptop that meant something to him. Yet still, the memory isn't coming back to him the way others had when they'd been prompted. Becoming more and more frustrated, Gibbs growled and stood up, pacing restlessly around the room until he slumped against the wall nearest to the offending laptop and just stared at it.

Tony.

Italy.

Laptop.

Tony.

Italy.

Laptop.

Gibbs kept repeating it to himself out loud and in his head, determined to figure this out before it drove him completely insane. But the longer he kept it up, the longer he glared at the inanimate object like it was going to reveal the secrets of the universe, the more he gave up hope of remembering whatever it was that was just under the surface of his mind. Closing his eyes, Gibbs sighs again and repeats it once more in his head.

Tony.

Italy.

Laptop.

Still nothing, and Gibbs is just about to give up the fight with his damaged brain and pass out on the sofa for the night, when it finally hits him.

_**Flashback;**_

_Gibbs comes into the room with two cups of coffee to find Tony bent over at the waist tapping away at his laptop. He's kicked the chair away from him, concentrating solely on the screen until Gibbs leans against the wall next to him and puts a cup of coffee down on the desk beside him._

_Tony's only wearing his sweatpants, no shirt, and he has a very clear hickey mark on his collarbone that makes Gibbs feel both proud and territorial. The smile that Tony gives him is amazing, lighting his face up like all his Christmas' have just come at once. _

'_Hey, thanks for the coffee.' Tony murmurs, glancing between Gibbs and the laptop screen, lifting his coffee to his mouth without checking the temperature first. He winces when the scolding hot liquid passes his lips and practically slams his cup down back on the desk. Gibbs just chuckles at him._

'_You do that every time.' Gibbs comments, watching as Tony brushes a hand across his mouth, letting the moisture from the coffee coat his lips, before letting his tongue sweep out to catch the last drops. Trying not to concentrate too much on how __**that**__ made him feel, he decided to inquire about this sudden concentration on the computer._

'_What's got you so interested on there?' Tony shoots him that smile again, the one that makes his heart stutter and his mind go blank for a second, before he remembers he's supposed to be waiting for Tony's reply._

'_Italy.__**' **__Tony replies._

'_Italy?' Gibbs asks, intrigued._

'_I'm heading over for my yearly visit in the summer.. I wanted to ask you something?' He suddenly looks nervous, so Gibbs sets his coffee down and smiles at him._

'_You know you can ask me anything, Tone.' _

'_Yeah, I know. Okay… so.. Well..' Tony clenches his eyes in frustration, making Gibbs worry about whatever it was that he was about to ask. Finally, without looking back up, Tony manages to mumble out his question. 'I was wondering if you wanted to come with me?' He practically stumbles over his words, something he rarely does._

'_You want me to meet them?' Gibbs asks quietly, reaching out to put his fingers under Tony's chin and lift his head to look at him._

'_I want you to meet them.' Tony confirms quietly, nodding his head._

'_Then I'll come with you.' Gibbs replies, smiling at the younger man. _

'_You will?' Tony grins at him, and when Gibbs nods, it's like his entire life just became complete or something. 'Thank you, thank youthankyouthankyou!' Tony laughs, throwing himself into Gibbs' arms. Gibbs circles them around him, pressing a kiss into Tony's temple and in the junction between his shoulder and neck, making Tony shiver slightly in his arms. _

'_Anything for you, you know that.'_

_**End Flashback.**_

Gibbs doesn't understand. The memory feels real, all of those positive emotions and communication and rightness of it. But it couldn't be, could it? He couldn't have been that… close to his senior field agent. He couldn't have. This was Tony. A man. A very straight, skirt chasing man.

Yet, he couldn't deny that every fibre of his being was telling him that this was just the beginning of memories between them. Just one of millions of tiny moments in their lives, a different life to the one they're leading now.

He also can't understand why they'd be going to Italy. Or who 'them' are. As far as he knows, as far as he remembers anyway, Tony's only family is his father. He has no relatives in Italy, Tony just likes the country. There's still so much here that he can't understand. This one memory in a thousand, in a million, explains very little to him. In fact, it only leads to more confusion. Something he really hadn't wanted.

But… If the memory was real, and all of those emotions were real. The Gibbs had screwed up big time. The last time he really remembers feeling like that was with Shannon, but if he'd found that with Tony, and then forgotten it. Then it was no wonder Tony wanted to leave. How could he have forgotten something that important, that huge?

Right now, he didn't have answers. But he'd have to find them soon, Tony would be leaving, and there'd be a good chance that if he let him go without figuring this out, then he'd never see the man again.

That thought put an ache in his chest, a sadness, just another thing he can't understand, but he knows he has to listen. Gibbs has to fix this, before he loses Tony forever.


	4. Packing and Determination

**Hello! Sorry it's been longer than usual since updates, but college has restarted its term and i'm stupidly busy preparing for exams. **

**Anywho, some of you have pointed out that i should Slash warning this. I'm sorry i didn't think of it earlier, i honestly am not expecting there to be anything too graphic, but i'll throw one it at the start of the first chapter, and i'll always warn you if there's anything innapropriate coming up! In this chapter, it's just fluff in the flashback. So enjoy!**

**PS- Again, i don't have a BETA for my stories, so all mistakes are mine. I apologise for them.**

* * *

Packing is usually one of Tony's favourite things. Choosing clothes, imagining all of the people and the places you'll see, going shopping for things you'll probably only ever wear once where it's hot and not bring home with you. Packing up your entire life, not having to be picky with the clothes you take, trying to find an apartment in a foreign country on short notice, saying goodbye to the people you care about for such a long amount of time. That was a totally different thing, and Tony was trying very hard to forget about how that was making him feel, how every time he brushed his fingers over photo-frames, or caught a glimpse of the few items of clothing he still had that were Gibbs' and not his, his eyes would burn with tears that he'd have to swallow down and ignore. With only two more days to pack up his life and get ready to leave, he didn't have time to dwell on all of those emotions now. Instead, Tony was desperately trying to cling to the excitement he'd felt when he'd first gotten the offer, trying to hold on to the way he'd felt when the others had told him they couldn't wait till he got back, trying to embrace the happiness he felt when he thought about going to Italy. God, he was trying, but he wasn't doing very well. He was leaving people that, until a year ago, had been the only family he'd known in years. The only real love he'd experienced since his mom had died, the only people who ever asked if he was okay and checked on him when he was poorly. All he could focus on was the look of betrayal in Abby's eyes as she slapped him, the indifference in Gibbs' face the last time he'd seen him, the shock and sneers on Ziva and McGee's faces when Gibbs told him he could leave if he wasn't going to do his job properly.

'Damn it.' Tony whimpered to himself when he felt the first sob break through the lump that had been growing in his throat for the past hour. The tears were growing hotter and hotter in his eyes until he blinked and they began their salty tracks along his face.

'Damn it!' Tony screamed it this time, throwing the last picture of his team as a coherent unit, across the room. It splintered and shattered, hitting the wall hard enough to leave a dent there too. His loud sobs and half-screams broke down into tiny whimpers as Tony slid down until he was leaning back against his bed, knee's folding up to his chest, head buried in his hands. He shouldn't do this. If it hurt this much to leave, it must be a sign that he shouldn't be doing it, right?

'No.' Tony whispered to himself, shaking his head harshly. That's not right, he can't stay, he shouldn't stay. He'd had enough and he was tired of being forgotten, hazed or unsafe. Tony had to do this for him, for his health and his safety and for the peace of mind of all the people that still cared deeply for him. Italy would be good for him; a new job, new responsibilities, new challenges. This was certainly something he had to do, even just to prove to himself that he's more than just a pawn on Gibbs' chess board of a team. Angrily wiping at his face, Tony unfolded himself and resumed his packing, knowing that the sooner this was done with, the sooner he could look forward to actually leaving, actually getting to Italy, actually starting fresh. The sooner he was done, the sooner he could be happy again.

And, hell, If it hadn't been a long time since he'd really been happy.

Of course, he'd miss the people that would miss him. But there were people in Italy that he missed too, people that, if things had gone to plan-

Tony cut himself off at that thought, thinking about Jethro right now would only bring more pain and hesitation. No matter what, no matter how tired he got, he never gave up hope of him remembering. Him not remembering, no matter how many hints, words, memories Tony drops down as inconspicuously as he can, was one of the single most difficult things he'd ever had to come to terms with. He wasn't sure it actually was something he'd ever come to term with. And therefore, he was leaving. New, fresh, clean. Italy would be good for him, he knew it.

* * *

'You did what?' Gibbs demanded, arms crossed tightly across his chest to prevent himself from reaching out and shaking the woman in front of him. Abby has little tears in the corners of her eyes, make-up showing her as paler than usual.

'I-I slapped him. He totally deserved it Gibbs! He was all like -well I don't belong to Gibbs anymore- when I told him that he couldn't get me charged for hitting him because you'd protect me. You would protect me, right Gibbs? Anyway, he told me to leave when Ducky and Palmer were there and they're my friends too. And then Fornell's daughter told me I was a mean person and I couldn't be family if I hit Tony, but she's wrong. I did it cause we are family, and he needed it to see sense!' Gibbs sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose between his thumb and finger, trying to get himself under control. He was still reeling from the flashback -at least he thinks that what it was- and he doesn't know how to put his feelings together.

'Abby, he's a head of department for a federal agency, he was in his rights to have you arrested and I couldn't have done a thing about it! And you shouldn't have been there in the first place, cause he's right. We've not been a family to him in a long time, and that's our fault. So let him be happy, Abs. Alright.'

'What Gibbs no! He's abandoning us..'

'We abandoned him, Abby. You stay away from him unless you want to say goodbye properly.' Abby pouts, trying not to meet Gibbs' eyes, knowing his trademark glare would be there, but she couldn't.

'Fine.' She huffed, turning back to the computer as a dismissal to Gibbs, which was fine by him, because he needed to talk to Ducky anyway.

* * *

The whoosh of the automatic doors into autopsy for Gibbs was always a kind of therapeutic sound. Not because of what lay beyond them, no, but because of who. No matter how disappointed Ducky had seemed in him recently, he knew he could always rely on the elder doctor to give him sound advice.

'Ah Jethro, I've literally only had the body here ten minutes, I have no answers for you yet.'

'I know Duck.' He replies as Ducky turns to greet him.

'Then what brings you down to me, may I ask?' Ducky pulls out the chair besides his at the desk, before dropping into his own and waiting for Gibbs to reply.

'It's about DiNozzo.' Gibbs sighs, slouching into the chair that Ducky had pulled out for him.

'Ah yes, young Anthony. I was wondering when you'd come to talk about his departure.' The tone in Ducky's voice had changed from light curiosity, to something harder, colder, more protective. Gibbs knows he deserves that tone of voice, whatever It is that he's forgotten added on top of the way he and the team had been treating him recently, he probably deserved way worse.

'It's not actually so much about the leaving, as the… I don't know. The before that.' Gibbs tries to explain, sighing again and carding his fingers through his short hair quickly.

'Before what?' Ducky leans forwards a little in his chair, elbows on his knees, listening intently.

'Before.. Mexico I guess. Before the explosion. I keep getting the feeling I'm forgetting something.' Ducky watches him closely, eyes narrowed, mouth set in a straight line.

'Forgetting something, or are you remembering something?' He finally replies.

'Both, I think. It feels like it's there on the peripheral, but I don't have access to it. And what I do remember from a flashback last night seems.. Right and wrong. I don't know what to make of it.'

'You had a flashback? Of what?!' Ducky demands, face earnest, like this is the most important thing that could have happened recently.

'I don't know, DiNozzo in my house, no shirt, sweatpants. He's talking about Italy and taking a trip there to see someone and I agree to go. But it makes no sense, cause Tony never like.. Lived with me right? And he has no relatives in Italy for me to meet? And why would he be, y'know… Shirtless.' Gibbs pauses, running a hand down his face in frustration. 'Unless, we were together. But.. Surely I'd remember that? I remember almost everything else. But him, the medals, any reason he'd be like that in my house. It doesn't make any sense.' Ducky is once again giving him that disappointed look.

'f it feels right, go with it. I'm not going to confirm anything, because Tony will not accept anything other than you recalling whatever it was that went on before the explosion. But make haste, Jethro. He leaves in two days.'

Ducky might not have 'confirmed' anything, but Gibbs has a pretty good feeling that he's onto the right track as he accepts his dismissal from the doctor and makes his way up to the bullpen. He knows, somewhere inside, that there must have been something going on between him and Tony. Maybe he doesn't remember it because it wasn't a big thing, wasn't that important?

No, that doesn't feel right. But maybe, he should go and see his ex-SFA, present him with the flashback and see what he says, because Ducky is right. Gibbs has less time than he anticipated to fix this before Tony leaves, so he needs to get himself and his team together quickly. None of them can let him leave without at least clearing the air. Gibbs can't let him leave until he knows exactly what's in the air that needs cleaning. Which is why he calls McGee and Ziva into his 'conference room' as soon as he reaches the bullpen.

'What is this about, Gibbs? We have a suspect to hunt down.' Ziva crosses her arms across her chest, looking put out. Gibbs grimaces to himself, she really has become somewhat self-involved and self-important recently.

'It can wait, we need to talk about Tony.' McGee remains quiet, but Ziva snorts.

'What is there to talk about? He has left us, it is his loss, yes? We will be fine without him.' Gibbs narrows his eyes at Ziva, taking a step closer to her, crowding her against the elevator wall.

'No, David. It is our loss. All of us, you, McGee, Abby and myself have treat Tony despicably over the past year. I let you get away with the hazing and the stupidity, it's my fault it got this bad, but it's all our fault that he felt it so bad he had to leave, Ziva. If you can't see that, then this has gone further than I thought.' Ziva splutters, still looking like an angry and petulant child when Gibbs takes a step away from her and looks at McGee.

'You got anything to say, McGee?' He demands, voice gruff.

'No boss.' Comes a quiet reply, reminding Gibbs of the way he was when he first came to them as a probie. His head is down, hiding his guilty expression from the remaining members of his team.

'Good. Now, I've already spoken to Abby, given she took matters into her own hands and slapped DiNozzo yesterday.' He watches the way Ziva's mouth twitches into a smirk and has to fight back the urge to headslap her so hard she can't see for a week. 'So, I'll say to you what I said to her. Either go, make up with him, clear the air before he leaves.' Gibbs continues, flipping the switch to take them back to the bullpen. 'Or go no where near him. He leaves in two days, it's your choice.' Once again, another perfectly timed Gibbs speech, because the doors ping open and he disappears behind his desk, leaving the other two gawping after him.

* * *

Most of his packing is done, there's just his furniture which needs putting into a storage locker once he leaves the country. He's assigned that task to Palmer. He needs to stock up on things to take over with him, call the FBI and confirm his travel arrangements, his legal right to carry weapons over sea's, general leaving the country stuff. Other than that though, it's done. His life has been packed up in a day. Now, he's got two days to kill before he leaves, and he's at a loss for what to do. There's only a few people in DC who care he is leaving, and those he's already said goodbye to. He supposes he should go see his lawyer, adjust his will to work around the new lifestyle, but he'll have to do that tomorrow. Sighing, Tony resolves to ordering Chinese food and watching a stupid series about vampires on Netflix. It's only half six, but he's tired and there's not much else to do other than fret and worry himself over things that will probably never happen or will happen and he'll have wished they didn't. There are so many ways he imagined his leaving NCIS to go, and with indifference had very rarely been a feature in his imagination. It hurt, a damn lot more than he thought it ever would. Especially coming from Gibbs. How could he have been so unimportant to the man that he can't even remember why Tony keeping his medals is a freaking enormous thing, never mind anything else that had been happening between them. Damn him, Tony had thought Gibbs might have been the one. Y'know, _the one. _He'd never felt as safe, as secure, as loved or as happy as he had with Gibbs. And he'd just forgotten. Anything else important in the mans life had been remembered, other than Tony. So maybe, he wasn't important? Maybe Gibbs lied to him about how he was feeling, indulging Tony so that he could get laid. That thought made his throat tight with tears and anger, and he's about to scream at an empty apartment for the second time today when the doorbell rings. Tony sighs, blinking away the tears in his eyes, and grabs his wallet from the side, assuming it's the delivery guy.

No such luck.

Gibbs, trying to hide the fact he is nervous by giving Tony the blankest face he can muster, is stood in his door way. It's like the air has been knocked out of Tony's lungs and he's silently gasping for breath. The tears he'd blinked back are fighting their way forward again, and he's battling with himself. He wants to launch himself into Gibbs' arms like he used too, and he wants to slap him so hard the handprint will still be there when he gets back from Italy in May. Instead, he settles for a cool, distant greeting.

'Gibbs. What are you doing here?' He wants to ask how he knows where he lives now, given he'd moved since the last time Gibbs had been at his apartment. Then he figures, it doesn't matter, he probably doesn't even remember the old apartment. His address is on his file, it's easy enough to access.

'We need to talk, DiNozzo.' Is all the reply he gets, and Gibbs' voice is foreign to him. It's not all the things he wants it to be, happy, joyous, playful. All the things it used to be.

'We have nothing to talk about. You told me to leave the job, I left the job. I got a new job, now I'm leaving the country. All there is to it.' Tony replies, and he should shut the door in his ex-boss's face, but he can't bring himself to do it.

'Tony…' Gibbs sighs, and Tony's heart jumps in his chest. 'Tony please let me in.'

'Why?' Comes a tiny, choked whisper in reply.

'Few things to figure out, I guess.' Gibbs shrugs, and Tony can't deny that he's more interested now than he thinks he's ever been before. This could be huge, or it could be heartbreaking, or it could be nothing. But he can't express that, not yet at least, so he shrugs back in reply and moves out of the way, waving Gibbs through into his home.

'Tony..' Gibbs begins once they're both settled in chairs on opposite sides of the sitting room.

'What is it you want, Gibbs?' Tony cuts across him coldly, trying not to indicate to the other how much even this visit means to him, no matter the outcome.

'You're leaving.' Comes Gibbs' reply eventually, and Tony rolls his eyes.

'Yes, I'm leaving. In two days.' Gibbs nods, clenching his fists and glaring at them like they have all the answers in the world. Tony knows it's the expression he uses when he's trying to figure out how to say something, and once again, he finds his heart jumping in his chest.

'I just.. It's breaking a rule, but rule 51 makes sense here anyway. So, I'm sorry, Tony. I'm sorry I let things get as bad as they did, let the team get that out of hand.' Gibbs exhales heavily out of his nose, refusing to meet Tony's gaze. 'And I'm sorry about leaving you and the team for Mexico without any support for you, and I'm sorry I just took my job back when I came home. I shouldn't have done that, it was wrong, and _I'msorry._' Gibbs rushes the last part, murmurs it and pushes the words together so they're hardly understandable, but Tony gets it anyway. He sighs and nods.

'It's okay. It doesn't matter anymore.' Gibbs' head snaps up, and Tony tenses.

'Of course it matters, Tony! You're leaving the team, the goddamn country, cause NCIS treat you so badly.'

'Not NCIS, just you guys.' Tony whispers quietly, refusing now to be the one to meet the others gaze. Gibbs sighs.

'Yeah, I know. Tony really, I'm sorry. I can't apologize for the rest of them, but I can for me.' Tony just nods, and eventually, once the silence carrys on into heavy awkwardness, Gibbs stands and makes for the door. But Tony can feel like there's something else that was meant to be said here, and he wants to hear it. Without thinking, he grabs Gibbs' hand as he makes his way past the chair Tony is slumped in.

'Gibbs wait…' He begins, but Gibbs' isn't listening. His mind isn't even in the room with him, he has that look on his face that means he's remembering something. Tony's breath hitches in his chest, and he wants to let go of the others mans hand, but he can't. This could be it.

* * *

The flashback comes easier this time to Gibbs. No repeated words, no endless pacing. Just one touch, Tony grabbing for his hand, and he's thrown back into the past.

'_Tony, If you're not sure then it's okay. We can pretend this never happened, go back to normal.' Gibbs stands, making his way out of the booth they're sitting in. The music in the bar, and the endless stream of chatter makes it hard to listen to what they're saying to each other, but the lack of intimacy at the bar is better for this. Just as he's about to walk away from the table, Tony's hand reaches out to grab his. He looks down, and Tony has the most heartbreaking, confused face, and his hand is warm and gentle around his, and his heart is racing._

'_Don't leave.' Gibbs hears the whisper just about over the other noise. 'Don't leave me.' Comes the next whisper, and Gibbs moves to sit back down. Tony doesn't release the hold he has on his hand._

'_Tony, we can't do this if you're going to keep doubting me. I want you. Damn it, I've wanted you for years. You can't let your insecurities get in the way every time someone tries to get close to you!' Gibbs growls, trying to pull his hand out of his senior field agents grip. Tony just holds tighter though, and draws in a deep breath that pulls Gibbs' attention to Tony's face. His eyes are glistening with tears, and he looks both uncertain and determined at the same time._

'_Don't leave me.' He whispers again. 'I'm sorry, it won't happen again. Don't leave me.' Tony clenches his eyes shut, dropping his head down and whispering so lowly that Gibbs almost doesn't hear the next part. 'I love you.' Gibbs sits, shocked silent for a moment while Tony keeps his eyes shut and his head down. Eventually, he reaches out with his free hand and raises Tony's head with a finger under his chin._

'_What did you just say?' He asks softly. Tony looks startled, like he doesn't really know if he should repeat it._

'_I lo- I love you.' He stutters, shutting his eyes against any reaction Gibbs might have. 'I'm sorry, I love you.' He whispers. And then Gibbs pulls his hand out of Tony's. There's a tiny whimper, and Gibbs knows that Tony thinks he's left him sitting there alone after his confession, but a second later, he's sat beside Tony instead of across from him, and he's pulling Tony towards him so suddenly that the others mans eyes open and lock with his instantaneously._

'_Don't ever apologise for that.' Gibbs murmurs, one hand on Tony's arm, the other tracing a finger gently down the side of Tony's face. And then he's kissing him. He doesn't say he loves him back, he's not ready for that. Tony doesn't seem to mind though, because a relieved sob escapes him and he's kissing him back desperately, clinging onto Gibbs' shirt like he's never going to let go._

Gibbs blinks heavily and shakes his head, trying to sort through the well of emotions that dragged out of him.

'Gibbs?' A tentative voice asks from next to him, and that same familiar weight of Tony's hand in his is still there. 'Gibbs, what's wrong?' Gibbs doesn't know how to answer that. There's hardly a doubt now that whatever he'd been thinking had been going on between him and Tony, he was now certain of. They had been together, for some time, by the looks of things in his mind. Gibbs takes another moment to blink heavily, gather some kind of control back into himself. A shift in the way their hands are gelled together, and now Gibbs is holding Tony's hand instead of Tony's being wrapped around his. He turns slowly to look down at the slightly panicked man in the chair beside him. His eyes are wide, mouth is a stressed line, body tense.

Gibbs wants to say something reassuring, or profound, or something to sooth Tony's nerves whilst still opening up this newfound topic for discussion. He doesn't want to fuck this up, really he doesn't, but communication has never really been his strong point, and he's still a little disorientated from the flashback.

'Don't leave me.' Is the only choked out thing that claws his way out of his mouth, and he watches at Tony tenses more, can feel a more intense grasp around his hand, there are tears welling in Tony's eyes and he's almost gasping for breath like someone's just punched him in the gut.

'What did you remember?' He demands.

Gibbs shakes his head slightly, trying to figure out why he said to Tony the exact line the other man had said to him in that flashback. He tries to pull away from the hand restricting his, but instead Tony stands into the pull until their closer together than they have been all the past year. Gibbs still tries to pull away, hoping Tony will take it as discomfort and unwanted touch, or anything so that he doesn't have to do this, so that he'll let this go. But Gibbs' has never had that kind of look, and Tony's nothing if not determined when he has to be.

'What did you remember?'


	5. Recollection and Basement Talk-downs

**Guys, it's been nearly two weeks and i'm so sorry! Life has been fucking shit up recently, which is also why this probably isn't my best chapter. I hope you enjoy it anyways :)**

* * *

Gibbs doesn't reply, he kind of just freezes up and then glares expectantly between Tony's hand and Tony's face.

'No, I'm not letting go until you tell me.'

'Tony.' Gibbs growls out in warning, yanking a little on his hand, hoping his ex-SFA will just let his arm go, and then let him go. He really needed time to deal with whatever the hell it is that he just remembered. It pretty much secured every single thought that had passed through his mind since that first flashback with the laptop, but still, this was huge. He needed time to think this through.

'Tony, let go.' Gibbs growls again, and the flash of pain that crosses Tony's face does not go unnoticed. God, it's the same look of pain that he saw on his face in the flashback, when he thought Gibbs had gotten up from the table and left him.

'You remembered something. I know you did, I know that look on your face, I even know the only two times I've ever said those words to you that you just said to me. Please, Gibbs. Please, just… Just tell me what you remembered?' Tony's voice has gotten less and less sure of itself, it breaks on the please, and then he lets go of Gibbs' hand and fiddles with the hem of his shirt as he makes the request once more. Gibbs sighs, because he knows Tony has every right to demand this of him, to shout and scream at him, if what he thinks he is remembering is infact what he is remembering. Gibbs sighs once more before leaning against the wall beside the chair Tony is slumped in.

'So, you've said those words twice to me? I only remember one, when is the other?'

* * *

Tony almost chokes on empty air as Gibbs finishes speaking, because if Gibbs remembers one, then he remembers the only one he was actually awake for, which means that he's remembering them… and that night.. Well that had been the first time Tony had told him that…

God, everything was suddenly more messed up than it was already. If Gibbs had remembered these things a year ago, a month ago, hell, even just a week ago. Tony would have been ecstatic, but now he's leaving. He's leaving the team and NCIS and the entire goddamn continent, for christ sake! They don't have time to fix all the things that should be fixed between them if Gibbs is really remembering.

'You were only awake for one of the times I said it, if you remember that, then I know what you think you know.' Tony replies quietly. 'You were unconscious the second time I said it, after the explosion. You wouldn't remember that. Which means you remembered the night at the bar, right?' Tony looks up at Gibbs tentatively, finding him refusing to look at Tony, his jaw clenched tightly, eyes narrowed. He just nods once he feels Tony's gaze on him.

'Gibbs, please! I need a little bit more than that to go on!' Tony demands, and he's getting a little frustrated now, because he can't figure out how he's supposed to be feeling about this new situation and Gibbs isn't helping. No, he isn't helping at all, with his now unflinching stare and his stupid nods, and his damn eyes that get Tony every single time.

'I only remember two things.' Gibbs finally replies, after what felt like forever of tense, awkward silence. 'Two things about what I think we..' Gibbs swallowed hard, flicking his eyes between Tony and the wall opposite him, 'About what I think we were to each other.'

'So, you remember the night at the bar. What's the other thing?' Tony asks, he sounds more confident than he feels though. Gibbs could be remembering one of the many arguments they'd had, or the night he'd stood him up because he'd gotten trapped going over a case review with Vance. It might not be a good memory, hell, the memory of them at the bar isn't exactly their best. Tony watches as Gibbs swallows hard again.

'It was after you told us you were leaving for Italy. I went home, there's a laptop in the corner of my sitting room. I was confused for nearly a year about that thing. I spent about an hour at home fussing, and then the laptop seemed to tie in with you and Italy and that kept going around in my head.' Tony watches as Gibbs clenches his hands into fists, narrows his eyes at nothing across the room. 'Then I got a flashback of bringing you coffee while you were in your sweats, no shirt.' Gibbs whispers the last part before coughing as if to clear his throat. 'I stand against the wall and watch as you take a drink of coffee without checking the temperature, you almost spill it everywhere. We laugh about it though. And then..' Gibbs pauses, looks down at Tony like he's suddenly even more confused. 'Then I asked you about whatever was on the computer and you said 'Italy'. You asked if I wanted to come with you, and I asked if you wanted me to meet 'them'.' Gibbs even puts the word 'them' in quotation marks with his fingers. 'You said yes, I said yes. We hugged and I…' Gibbs trails off, but Tony finishes the memory for him.

'You kissed my temple, and my neck, and said 'Anything for you, you know that.' Tony whispers. Gibbs gives him a sharp nod, and there are tears in Tony's eyes because that's the last memory he has of them together. It was the morning before the case that led to the explosion comes in, one of the happiest days Tony can remember now. It makes sense it's something that Gibbs would remember, but now he just looks like he wished it had never popped into his head, that they weren't having this conversation, that there wasn't even a 'them' to begin with.

The silence is back, that awkward, suffocating silence. Quiet with Gibbs never used to be like this, it used to be comforting and calm, with fingers carding through his hair and a coffee or a beer in his hand, reading or watching a game or a movie. Never like this, never so… Alien. It was like they didn't even know each other anymore.

'Tony.. I…' Gibbs doesn't continue the sentence, he looks a little lost for words, and this time it's Tony's turn to sigh.

'I know. Changes nothing. You obviously didn't remember until now for a reason, I mean maybe it wasn't as big a thing to you as it was to me, not important enough to dredge up from your mind. I get it. You can just forget you remembered anything, I'll leave for Italy. We'll never talk about this, or anything, ever again if you don't want to.' Tony is telling himself not to cry over and over again in his head. He's cried enough for this man to last him a lifetime, but it doesn't stop that choking heat building behind his eyes and that suffocating lump forming in his throat.

'Tony… That's not what-' Gibbs huffs, a noise Tony hasn't heard too often before, because he can't figure out what to say. His entire posture is stiff and tense, hands still clenched, hardly meeting Tony's eyes.

'It's fine, I get it. You can go now.' Tony's voice has slipped from desperation to cold and empty. Somewhere inside he'd known this day would come, the day when any hope of Gibbs remembering and still wanting him dissipated. At first, it doesn't hurt as much as he expected. It's kind of numb, the way he'd felt after Kate died, when he'd thought Abby would be murdered by a stalker in McGee's apartment, after Gibbs left for Mexico. It's not unfamiliar, it's actually comforting, this weird numbness. Tony just hopes it'll hold long enough to get Gibbs out of the apartment, because breaking down in front of his ex-boss, his ex-lover, God, pretty much his ex-everything, was not on the agenda for tonight.

Gibbs doesn't reply after that, just hovers for a moment waiting to see if Tony will make eye contact with him again, or give him any sign of impending conversation. There's nothing though, Tony can't talk anymore or things he doesn't want to say will come out, tears will fall, they'll scream and shout at each other. Those are not the last memories with Gibbs he wants to have. Eventually, Gibbs just sighs, turns and leaves, slamming the door hard behind him.

* * *

'You are possibly the most idiotic person to have ever existed.' Is the first thing that Fornell says as he steps into Gibbs' basement. Gibbs is over sanding a piece of wood that he'll never be able to use again, half a bottle of bourbon in front of him, glass abandoned about an hour ago in favour of just drinking out of the bottle. Gibbs just snorts in reply.

'I just got a call from a bartender, picked Tony up. Too drunk to even remember how to put one foot in the other, not drunk enough to forget your name. What in the hell did you do to him tonight?' Fornell demands, striding across the room to stand in front of Gibbs, fists clenched at his sides. He hadn't had to pick Tony up in a state like that since the day he learnt that Gibbs remembered nothing about him.

'Nothing.' Gibbs growled, refusing to meet Fornell's eyes. Fornell could see the slump in the mans shoulders, the tightening around his eyes that was a signal of confusion.

'Well ya sure did something, 'cause I haven't seen DiNozzo like that in over a year.' They hover around each other in awkward, tense silence for almost 5 minutes before Gibbs sighs.

'Went to talk to him, 'bout something I thought I remembered. Ended up getting another flashback.' Fornell watched as Gibbs swallowed, dropping the useless wood to the table with a bang.

'Ok. So what could have possibly been so bad that you push Tony to the state he was in tonight?' Gibbs head snaps up to glare at Fornell.

'You knew, didn't you?!' Gibbs demands, voice low and angry. 'You knew there was something between us before I lost my memory and you didn't say anything!' Gibbs is standing now, a step away from Fornell. He isn't intimidated though, Gibbs only turns to this kind of reaction when he's rattled, confused, guilty.

'I knew. Ducky, Palmer and Vance also knew. Tony wouldn't let us tell you. He wanted you to remember it on your own, for it to mean something. You imbecile.' They stand in tense anticipations, waiting for the next accusation to be thrown, or for someone to back down. Thankfully, it's the latter on this occasion. Gibbs once again sighs, running a hand down his face in an attempt to wipe away some of the confusion clouding this situation. He moved back until he fell back down into his stool. Fornell moved to lean against the basement wall.

'That boy loved you like he's never loved anyone, Gibbs.' Fornell's voice is a little gentler than it was a minute ago. Gibbs nods.

'I'm.. I'm kind of getting that feeling. I just don't know what to do with it, about it. He's leaving for Italy the day after tomorrow. How do I even go about sorting through this by then?' Fornell just shrugs.

'I'm not going to tell you how to fix this. It's your mess. You figure out how you feel 'cause if whatever it was between you and him means so little to you then you need to promise him you'll stay the hell away. DiNozzo deserves better than that.' Gibbs just shoots him a glare, but it's not a real glare, more like a '_I need you to shut up because you're right and I don't like it' _kind of glare.

'When did you and _**my **_senior field agents become so close, Fornell? Last time I remember you called him DiNotzo and he was a blip on your radar.'

'When you stopped being close. And he's not yours anymore Gibbs. You're gunna loose him forever if you don't fix your mess tomorrow.' Fornell just turns and leaves, he's done his bit. Hopefully, Gibbs will see sense by the morning, because as much as he was annoyed with the man. Tony deserved some kind of happiness, even if it's just knowing that the past ten years meant something to Gibbs after all.


	6. Walgreen and Still Confused

**I'm so sorry it's taken so long. With being in and out of hospital, a fractured wrist, a sick parent and college exams coming up i just haven't had the time to finish this chapter. I am continuing the story, so i hope you guys stick with me and enjoy reading it as much as i enjoy writing it.**

**Also- for those who are abandoning the story because i didn't pre-warn slash. Your loss. You thought the story line was good, you like my style of writing, but you won't read the rest of it because of a pairing/gender of a pairing? I just don't understand. **

**There's a lot of Ziva-Tony dialogue here, sorry about that.**

**This is kind of just a filler chapter until i get my muse back again, it's been so long and with everything going on it's kind of gone awry. Probably my worst chapter to date, i do apologise.**

**Un-beta'd, so all mistakes are my own.**

* * *

Tony was tired. So, so tired. Once Gibbs had slammed the door behind him, he'd forced back the tears and went to find the nearest bar. Drowning his sorrows in alcohol, any alcohol as long as it wasn't bourbon, was his go to response for pretty much everything Gibbs related now. He doesn't really remember how he got home, or why there is a smashed mirror in his bathroom and half of his packed case now unpacked and thrown around his kitchen. Tony's kind of just rolling with it, because he's hung over and still lingering on upset and he's so. Damn. _Tired_.

So, instead of questioning it, he just sweeps away the glass, re-packs his case, and then goes out in search of decent coffee and the last of the items on his list of things he needs for Italy. Which now is just really new sun-glasses and toiletries. He'd been half prepared to leave for Italy all year, dreaming of leaving and not daring to all at the same time. It had been something he'd wanted to do with Gibbs, but the longer he didn't remember them, the less likely that desire became.

Tony shook his head, drawing a curious glance from the woman also browsing the toiletries isle in Walgreen. He wasn't supposed to be thinking about Gibbs. Would never think about Gibbs again, if he could help it. The man had made it pretty clear last night what he thought of their past relationship, and Tony wanted to forget there had ever been one now that he knows what Gibbs must have really felt about him.

Which is nothing good. Disgust, maybe. Pity, definitely. Maybe their entire relationship was based on Gibbs trying to get Tony to just shut the hell up and stop pining over him.

Tony was so lost in the thoughts that he's told himself that he wasn't supposed to be having, that he didn't realise there was someone stood right in front of him, hand on their hips, frowning at him.

"Tony! DiNozzo, i am stood right in front of you, why do you insist on ignoring me?" Tony blinked and shook his head again, focusing on the woman stood in front of him. Sighing, he rubbed at his eyes and schooled his facial expressions.

"Hello, Ziva." She sighed, heavily, rolling her eyes in that frustrating way. Like anything Tony did was an inconvenience to her.

"I have been stood here for minutes trying to get your attention, why are you ignoring me?" Ziva demanded again, self-righteous as always.

"I wasn't ignoring you, i just didn't realise you were there.. What are you doing here, anyway? You live miles away from this store." The hint of accusation that crept into Tony's voice made Ziva scowl at him.

"I have been waiting for an appropriate time to discuss with you everything that has happened. This seemed to be an appropriate time." Arms crossed her chest now, forever indignant when she is questioned on her actions.

"You followed me to the store?" Tony frowns, glaring back at her.

"I want to talk to you! You have abandoned us and i would like to know the real reason why?"

"Didn't abandon you, Ziva. Just moved onto something better." Tony sighed, moving around her to reach his brand of toothpaste.

"We are the best team, Tony! You have said it yourself many times, we have the best case-closed rate at NCIS. Why would you want to leave that?"

"To be happy. To be safe." Tony shrugs, moving to the other side of the aisle and inspecting the different types of mouth washes. He can practically feel Ziva's annoyance with his back turned.

"What do you mean happy and safe?!" She practically screeches at him. "We had your back all of the time, and you hardly did anything to help us out with paperwork or research. How could you not have been happy?" Tony turned to her sharply, dropping his basket and stepping into her personal space.

"You and McGee hazed and disregarded me for more than a year, you turned off communication while i was out in the field looking for a suspect by myself! I read, and edited all of your reports, did most of Gibbs' paperwork and then my own reports and paperwork! I usually had to use long standing favours to find the things you and McGee couldn't. Don't you dare say i never did anything." Tony hisses at her, and he watches with a kind of satisfaction as she takes a step back, shocked, not used to the kind of venom lacing Tony's voice being directed at herself.

"How- How dare you!" Ziva stuttered, outraged.

"I leave tomorrow, so you'll never have to put up with me 'not' doing work again. I hope you have a good life, Ziva." Tony was disappointed that this was the way their last conversation would go, that this was the way they would leave things. He had hoped for some kind of friendship with the team to leave on, but it didn't seem like that was going to happen. Tony sighed, picked up his basket and headed out of the section of the store, away from Ziva, who just stared after him like she wanted to say something else.

Whatever it was, Tony was done listening. So done listening to people letting him down, rejecting him, hurting him. He was going to finish his shopping, finish packing up his apartment and then he was going to stay in a hotel over-night. Somewhere other over-bearing members of his team couldn't find him before he left in the morning. All he had to do was pick up his tickets for the flight from FBI Human Resources and he was done in DC. So, so done with DC.

* * *

"You did what?" McGee whispered in astonishment as Ziva explained to him where she had been all morning. Gibbs had been listening from the other side of the section separators, becoming more and more frustrated with his agent. Ziva had no right, absolutely no right at all, to follow Tony and confront him like that. Blame him like that. As much as Gibbs knew he'd let Tony down, hurt him, abandoned him, made his decision to leave that much easier, at least he'd not blamed Tony for his decisions. He'd accepted that he'd done wrong, and it was hard for him now to see that his team had also been part of it. That he'd let them get away with all they had done to Tony over the past year. Ziva was just getting to the part about Tony blaming them for turning off the radio during a canvassing when he'd had enough, coming around the corner and glaring at them.

"You had no right to confront DiNozzo like that, Agent David. And you are both in a world of trouble for that stunt i hear you pulled with the radio while Tony was out in the field alone." Gibbs growled, coming to a halt beside McGee's desk. He watched as Tim paled, sweat beading on his forehead. Just by McGee's actions over the past days, he knew the agent regretted his actions for the past year. Heck, maybe for longer than that.

"We deserve explanations from him, Gibbs!" Ziva exclaimed, looking once again indignant. "He has abandoned us, and left us an agent short, it is selfish."

"I don't care what you think about his leaving." Gibbs growled. "What i care about is how you are behaving now, and how you behaved towards him before this. Down-talking him now is not allowed, and if i hear of it again i will write you up. Both of you. Do not attempt to contact him again unless it is to apologise and reconcile. And don't think i won't be writing you both up for that incident with the radios. That was wrong, irresponsible. You put an agent in danger, that is unforgivable."

"Yes, boss." McGee mumbled, refusing to meet Gibbs' glare.

"But- Gibbs! How can you forgive him for this?" Ziva spluttered, staring at him like he'd grown a second head.

"There is nothing to forgive, Ziva. He was right to go. Now, get back to your cold cases." Gibbs sounded resigned, and he'd meant what he said. Tony was under appreciated here, forgotten and in danger. He was better off in the FBI, in Italy, in a job that was right for him. Ziva just glared at him a little more before turning on her heel and practically throwing herself into her desk chair. Gibbs just rolled his eyes and sighed. He was getting tired of Ziva's behaviour, and he knew he'd have to find a way to pull her back soon, but for now all he wanted to do was go home and sleep. Forget the past few days had happened.

Hell, forget that the past year had happened.

He couldn't do that though, because he knew inside that he needed to fix things with Tony. At least apologise for freaking out about what had happened between them last night, because he didn't want to freak out over it. He wanted to let the feelings of love and happiness and security that he'd felt during some of those flashbacks into his life again. Or at least make up for forcing those feelings away. And yes, he knows he only has about 12 hours to figure out how to do that before Tony leaves for Italy and there will be a very real possibility that he'll never see him again, but he has to figure this out. He has to, because there is no other option. It's driving him crazy, knowing that once upon a time, maybe even still if he looks inside deep enough, he loved this man. Loved him and then hurt him and then hurt him some more by denying the things he was remembering. It's hurting him to remember the way Tony's voice was cold and resigned at the same time last night, when he'd told him to leave.

There are also mysteries that have popped up in the past few days that have Gibbs confused, something he hates to be. One being who the people are that Tony wanted him to meet in Italy. Another being why Tony moved around so much, from Ivy League to Ivy League when he could have done all those degrees in one place. And how he managed to fit them in when he's down as being in the police force by then. There is so much he's forgotten, so much he needs to figure out, and he has so little time to do it.

All he knows is that he needs to talk to Tony, soon.


	7. Hotels and Bambino

**I am so sorry this took as long as it did! With the holidays, health issues, exam revision and actually having a social life. It's been hard to fit in some decent writing. But i hope you all enjoy this. The Flashback part is my favourite flashback up to now i think. Finally some things like Tony's unlikely degree's and the importance of Italy will be explained. Let me know what you think :)**

* * *

Tony sighed with relief as he dropped his duffel bag and suitcase by the mini bar and slumped down on the sofa in his hotel room. It had taken less time than he'd expected to finish packing and pick up the rest of the things he needed for travelling. All of his furniture and his car, left behind for when he came back for his 6 months in DC after Italy, was to be dealt with and put into storage by Jimmy, Ducky and Fornell once he left. He was glad to be away from prying eyes and unwelcome interruptions, able to relax and enjoy his last few hours in DC without issue or confrontation.

However, Tony couldn't seem to relax. He tried watching old John Wayne movies, Dr. Sexy on TV and building a house of cards with the deck he'd found earlier in the day. He was restless though, thinking too hard and allowing doubts and regrets to creep back up onto him. The words Ziva had spoken to him, the way Gibbs had looked last night. Images of his team, his almost family, flashed through his mind over and over while he tried to distract himself. Which is why, when his phone buzzed with a text, Tony almost tripped over his feet in his rush to retrieve it from across the room.

**From Fornell: **_**Gibbs is on the search for you. You left the apartment already?**_

Tony sighed, dropping into the armchair beside him and staring at his phone. He'd wanted it to be someone offering well wishes for his flight or goodbye drinks. But nothing was that nice and simple for Anthony DiNozzo Jr.

**To Fornell**_**: At a hotel hiding from unwanted visitors. Tell him I got everything I needed from him last night.**_

**From Fornell: **_**I'm not your messenger. Tell him yourself. And turn your phone off if you don't want to be found. Emily said she wants to Skype call ASAP. Enjoy Italy.**_

Tony chuffed and shut off his phone, knowing that this way Fornell's way of saying goodbye without sounding like an actual human with real human emotions. Sometimes, Tony mused, he and Gibbs were very alike.

It was no wonder, then, that they married the same woman.

That thought made Tony laugh, but the relief didn't last for long. Another five minutes of lonely silence and his skin was crawling with irritation and the need to do something. He needed to be somewhere that there was people, people who didn't know his situation and he could be around without either angry, confused or pitying looks. That left the hotel bar in the lobby.

Tony knew it probably wasn't a good idea to turn to alcohol only ten hours before a 9 hour flight into Naples, but he changed into a clean shirt and left the room anyways. Being surrounded by people, but still In the relative safety of the hotel, was exactly what he needed right now. Some people watching would do him good, being around members of the general DC public before he had to leave might be an enjoyable thing. One last foray with his fellow American's before he headed off to a foreign land.

That made him pause. Foreign land sounded wrong. It sounded so wrong. Italy wasn't foreign to him, and it wasn't until he was halfway through his first beer that he figured out why everything in his head had been so upside down since he'd accepted the job.

Gibbs, before the explosion and when he'd known Tony better than anyone, had been the only person to really know what Italy meant to him. The fact that Italy was more home that America could ever be. That it was familiar and happy, the last place he'd seen his mother really alive, the place where he'd been safe and happy for what felt like the first and one of the only times in his life. The only other time had been when Gibbs had first held him in his arms and told him that nothing mattered but them. That was gone now though, and Italy was all he had left of that feeling.

And he wouldn't let NCIS, a team that had been an almost family to him for ten years, make him feel bad for returning home.

* * *

Gibbs had made no haste in leaving the NCIS building in search for Tony. The team was working on cold cases anyway, nothing that needed his immediate attention. Tony did though. Fixing what he'd broken with the man he'd apparently once loved required immediate, complete attention.

Finding his apartment empty had been a shock. And had scared Gibbs in a way that he would not admit to anyone but himself, and even then, not out loud. Tony's car was still in the parking lot, and he knew the man wasn't actually due to leave until sometime early the next morning. Yet it was plainly obvious that this apartment was locked down tight, emptied of all it's important things. Tony wasn't planning on coming back here for a while.

He'd called Palmer first, but the boy had just told him that even if he had known where Tony was, he wouldn't tell Gibbs. He'd have found it funny, that Jimmy had finally found his balls, if it wasn't such a time sensitive mission he'd appointed himself. Next he'd called Ducky, but had received a much politer version of the same response. 'Anthony needs to do this, Jethro. Do not cause the boy more pain.' That's all the doctor had said to him before ending the call.

That left Fornell to call, and after their discussion in his basement last night, he wasn't exactly on the best terms with the man. He was his last option though, that he knew of, so he sucked it up and dialled the number.

"Mr. Gibbs." A young female voice echoed through his phone to him and Gibbs gave a small smile. It had been a long time since he'd talked to Emily. Although he and Diane had ended a long time ago, Emily reminded him a lot of her, and he liked it. She was going to be feisty when she grew up, if the confrontation with Abby was anything to go by.

"Hey Emily, your dad about?" He heard he whispering with someone, probably her father, before she replied.

"Daddy wants to know what you want?" She asked, voice giving away the little smirk he could imagine on her face, getting joy out of being their go between person.

"I wanted to know about Tony, if your dad's seen him?" More whispering, an exclamation of 'Daddy you can't make me say that to him!' and some laughter before she retuned.

"Dad says he wants to know if you're going to fix the bad things?" Gibbs could only imagine how Fornell had phrased that the first time, if Emily had scolded him over it.

"I want to try." Emily hummed at him and waited for a reply from her dad once again.

"Daddy said he doesn't know, and you have to find him yourself If you want it to actually mean something to my Tony. And to say bye bye Mr Gibbs." He was shocked when the line went dead. A young girl. Not even in double digits, just hung up on him. He choked back a startled laugh and slumped back against the wall of the apartment building.

A sense of familiarity washed over him as he allowed himself to sink down the wall, coming to sit by Tony's door. He was becoming more and more used to remembering things about his past with Tony.

_Flashback;_

"_I'm not letting you in. You were such an asshole earlier." Tony exclaimed, arms crossed over his chest. Gibbs just sighed, moved to the side of Tony's door and sank down until he was seated against the wall. He held his peace offering, Tony's usual pizza, up until Tony closed his door behind him and then sat back against it and taking the pizza from him. Gibbs waited until Tony was through his first slice before asking the questions that had been bugging him all day._

"_Tell me about Italy? About them?" Tony swallowed hard around a piece of pizza and then closed the box, putting it down on the floor between them and twisting until he faced Gibbs, legs crossed in front of him like a little boy. The look on his face nearly broke Gibbs heart, and he wondered how he could have been so heartless in dismissing Tony's concern for the terrorist threat alert over a wide part of Italy earlier in the day. _

"_Do you actually care, or is this some misguided attempt at making up for earlier?" Tony asked in a whisper, looking down and picking at the cotton at the hem of his sleep shirt. Gibbs reached out a hand, fingers grazing from Tony's temple and then down to his chin, raising the mans head up to look at him. _

"_I care about you Tony. I want to know." He replied once Tony's attention was fully on him. Tony nodded, and Gibbs went to remove his hand, but Tony grabbed it and weaved their fingers together. _

"_It goes back as long as I can remember, the way my dad treat my mom." Tony started, voice barely above a mumble so that Gibbs had to strain to listen. "He would drink, and then he would hit her. I can still remember the way she sounded when she cried and begged, but never for herself, just for him to stay away from her bambino." The sound of the Italian word flowing from Tony's mouth was so right that it made Gibbs want to pack them up and move them there right now, sounded like home coming from Tony. _

"_He did, for a while. One day she was out with her friends, I was home sick from school. He hadn't even been drinking, just lost a good investment and I was the only one around to.. Take it out on, I guess. It wasn't too bad, but my mom almost passed out when she saw me. Two days later, when my father was out of town for the night at a meeting, she packed us up, drove us out to an air field. When I woke up the next day, we were in Italy." _

"_Benevenuti a casa, Anthony, she said to me. Welcome home. We stayed with people she knew there for a while. When I finally learnt enough Italian, I learnt that we were staying with her old house keeper, her daughter and her granddaughter. No men in the house, other than me. They were good women, provided for us, took care of me when my mother had to go out and find work. I loved them like family. They are family." _

"_They called me il mia bambino, my child, as the sound of my name, my fathers name, created tension in the house. After I grew up a little, the called me Tony, but before that happened I was il mia bambino. We were only there about 6 months. One day, I came home and my father was there. The women were angry, but they could do nothing against him. He took me and my mother back home with him. I swear, my mother died that day. About a month later, she killed herself by getting drunk and then getting behind the wheel of a car, drove herself into a oncoming truck and died on impact." Tony voice broke, and Gibbs wiped at the tears just breaking at the corners of his eyes with the pads of his thumbs. _

"_If this is too hard, you don't have to tell me." He said quietly once the tears were gone. Tony shook his head._

"_No, it's okay. You deserve to know. I want you to know." Tony took a deep breath, gathering Gibbs' hand back in his own. "My father sent me to boarding schools, military schools, after that I went to OSU and did the phys ed degree. I came home after I finished that. Started the police academy. One day i overheard my father talking in his office about finding the women who ruined his wife and his heir. I just knew. I knew he was talking about Maria, Isabella and Alexis. I knew something was going to happen, so I went to the authorities. I'd already cleared the first stage of police training by the time I heard this, I was liked. Hard working, funny, easy to get along with most of the time. The captain of the police force believed me, put me in touch with an agent at the FBI who struck a deal with me. Seems my father had been part of too many crime syndicates but they could never concretely tie him to anything. They said they'd sign me up to help in the protection of the family if I gave any and all information on any deals my father was doing over to them." Gibbs waited whilst Tony turned panicked eyes up to him._

"_I had to do it. He might have been my father, but he wasn't my family. So I agreed. Got the girls moved to America, Peoria. I was given a job there in their station. Then when Alexis went to college, I went with her. Did some degree's to fit in. Split my time protecting her and her grandmother and mother. Then we got wind my father had discovered they were there, so we moved to Philadelphia. Spent two years there, Alexis went to another college, I followed. Same deal. Seems my father was following me, not them, figured I had something to do with why he couldn't find them." Tony took another deep breath. Gibbs could feel guilt and pain practically radiating from the man in front of him. The grip on his hand got tighter. _

"_Finally, we moved to Baltimore. Alexis went to community college there and I was with her the day.. The day that Maria and Isabella were killed. I could never connect the crime to my father, but I know it was him. We came home to find them sat up straight, placed, on chairs in the dining room. Single shots through the head. After that, I transferred Alexis' protection to people in Italy and sent her home. Visited once a year since. I'm godfather to her daughter, gave her away at her wedding. She's the only family I have." _

_End flashback._

"Oh." Was all Gibbs could say. His mind was in turmoil, trying to process everything he had just remembered and the emotions that came along with it. There was pain in his gut, he was hurting for Tony. He could only imagine the feeling of having the kind of pain and guilt that Tony had locked up inside of him over this, even though none of it was his fault.

God, he'd screwed this up exceptionally. How could he have ever forgotten something like that? How could he have ever forgotten everything Tony had shared with him, how much he meant to Tony, hell, how much Tony meant to him? It was all so confusing, but he had to do something. He had to find Tony, get him to forgive him for this, at least a little bit. Gibbs couldn't let Tony leave without letting him know that he remembered, he remembered why it meant so much to him, why that first flashback he'd had of them had left him so confused. Picking up his cell one more time, he dialled McGee.

"Yeah, boss?" His agent asked down the phone. Gibbs took a deep breath, trying to keep his warring emotions under wraps for now.

"Need you to trace Tony's cell and text me where he is as soon as you know. Do not tell anyone, just do it McGee." Gibbs waited for the mandatory 'yes boss' before he ended the call and pulled himself up off the floor and towards his car to wait for McGee to get back to him. Wait for him to point him in the direction of Tony so that he could be on his way, get to him before he left. He had to do this, now, make Tony see that Gibbs knew, he remembered and he still cared.

He had to fix this.


	8. Elevators and Tears

**Feels ahead of the Tibbs variety because i needed it to happen. I was hurting myself with all the angst and then went ahead and gave myself and you all some more angst. I'm sorry.**

**Characters are a little OOC here but it's necessary for reasons i'm sure you'll understand.**

**M/M kissing here. (For those of you who PM'd me asking for what appears to be warnings against any and all Tibbs relations. Really guys, really?)  
**

**I hope you enjoy!**

* * *

The call from McGee comes ten minutes after he got into his car, and Gibbs had been getting impatient.

"_He's turned his phone off, but I figured it was important so I traced his credit card. He's at the Hyatt Regency in Arlington, not far from the airport_."

"Good work McGee." Gibbs replied brusquely before flipping his phone closed and heading out of the car park. It would take almost half an hour to get to the Hyatt from here if he broke speed laws.

Tonight, just like every night, he was breaking speed laws.

The Hyatt is beautiful, expensive, so very Tony. He pays the extortionate parking fee once he gets there just so he doesn't have to drive around to find a parking space. There are concierges in red and silver uniforms at the door looking at him like he was crazy as he barrelled his way through the fancy glass front doors and through the foyer. The receptionist gives him wide eyes as he throws his hands down on her desk and demands the number of the room Anthony DiNozzo is staying in.

"I-I'm sorry, sir. I can't give you that information." And damn it, if he had his NCIS ID on him this wouldn't be an issue, but he left it in the car, having removed it when it dug into his hip as he waited for McGee to get back to him. He had his gun, but that would probably not get the answers he really wanted.

"Listen, ma'am. He's leaving the country in less than 12 hours and I haven't had a chance to see him yet. Is there any chance you could just give his room a ring and see if he's willing to see me?" She is still eyeing him warily, but there must be some kind of desperation in his voice or in his face that she sees, because she nods minutely and picks up the phone. Gibbs watches her intently as she dials the room extension and waits for an answer. There isn't one. She hangs the phone up and gives him a look that is somewhere between relief and pity.

"I'm sorry, sir. It doesn't look like he's in his room, he is not answering the phone." Gibbs sighs and thanks her. Turning on his heel, he surveys the area, hoping to maybe catch Tony lounging in one of the foyers chairs. He runs a hand through his hair in frustration when he catches no sight of him, and he's not familiar enough with this hotel to go in search for bars and restaurants without the possibility of getting lost and missing Tony altogether. Instead, he resigns himself to waiting Tony out down here. If he's gone somewhere, he'll need to come through here to get back to his room eventually. And if he's just not answering his phone, then he'll have to come down here to check out in the morning. Either way, Gibbs couldn't miss him.

He chooses a chair between the entrance and the elevators. It has the most tactical advantage, and it's almost instinct now to choose that spot, back against the wall with a view of every entrance and exit. Gibbs is sure he's been doing his job for too long if he can't even sit in a fancy hotel foyer without being subconsciously paranoid, but now's not the time to worry about that.

A concierge approaches him somewhat apprehensively, like he's been forced into coming to see if the angry man with the terrifying scowl on his face needs anything. It gives Gibbs a strange sense of satisfaction that out of every one of the rich sphincters that have come through here, he's the one to put that look on someone's face.

"Can I get you anything, sir?" The man asks politely, fingers twiddling together over a button on his shirt. Gibbs nods with a smile.

"Bourbon, no ice. Please." He requests, and the man scuttles off looking overly relieved. It makes Gibbs chuckle with satisfaction again. He loves keeping people like this on their toes sometimes, spices life up a little.

The man, slightly more confident this time, returns with his drink quickly and Gibbs thanks him whilst handing him the money to start a tab. Sure he's going to be here all night, he knows he'll need the liquid courage to stay here and not freak out and leave. He's lifted the glass for the first sip of amber liquid when the elevator door pings open.

Tony is dressed in clothes that seem vaguely familiar when he steps out of the elevator and into the foyer. Green dress shirt, top few buttons undone and sleeves rolled up carelessly. That reveals tanned, muscular arms that Gibbs can practically feel the memory of sliding around his waist or neck, holding him tight against him during the night or making love. They're not things he remembers yet, not in images or words, just in feelings. And it's enough. It's enough to know, to spark, the knowledge that Tony was something huge and warm and wonderful. And that he still loves him.

Gibbs stops his assessment of his feeling about his feelings on Tony's clothing, as confusing as that thought is in itself. Because he knows the moment Tony sees him sitting there. He's hardly ten feet from the chair Gibbs is in, frozen. Mouth slightly open and eyebrows slowly raising in confusion and shock. His eyes are a myriad of emotions that Gibbs isn't exactly sure he'll ever be able to name unless he gets up close and personal with them for a thorough study.

Gibbs stands slowly, like approaching a witness that he doesn't want to spook too much. Taking a step towards Tony after he's put his glass down on the table beside him, one hand stretched out slightly.

"Tony." Gibbs sighs out, taking another step towards him and breathing in the scent of aftershave and home that comes from him. It should feel wrong, admitting his emotions like this even if it is just to himself, but it doesn't. It doesn't at all. It feels so right.

He's so close, two more steps would put him within touching distance of Tony.

So close.

Almost there.

And Tony takes a step back.

* * *

The ride down in the elevator had set off a slow churn in his gut that he wanted to ignore. Nothing bad could happen. No one knew where he was, therefore Gibbs wouldn't find him, and there wouldn't be any more awkward remembrance-denial moments between them before he left.

Stepping out just increases the feeling and Tony wants to just turn around and go back to him room where he is safe, but he doesn't. The bar is one foyer and a hallway away from him. He's close. So close.

Then he sees him. The bastard is sat there, people watching with a glass of what is probably bourbon in his hand, in the foyer of the hotel Tony was staying in. He's frozen not far from where Gibbs is sitting, waiting for the other man to make a godamn move or something, he can feel his eyebrows crawling into his hair line with shock and confusion and anger. Gibbs watching him, just sitting there like he's assessing him forces emotions to the surface that he'd spent the past 24 hours repressing the best he could. Apparently though, Freud was right. Avoidance strategies only work short term, because they're back and it _hurts_ to feel them all over again so soon. Love, anger, hate, care, gratitude, pain, need, desire, confusion. There's too much and it's too soon and then suddenly Gibbs is saying his name, is much closer to Tony than he was last time he checked.

Tony takes a step back out of surprise, and watches the way the lines around Gibbs' eyes tighten slightly and the way his mouth forms a thin line. Years of reading Gibbs and his expressions tells him that the man is frustrated, confused, hurt.

"How did you find me here?" Tony manages to choke out eventually, because no one knew where he was and he turned his phone off.

"Traced you." Comes the quiet reply. Gibbs is frozen about three steps in front of him, watching Tony intently.

"I turned my phone off." He's aware he sounds like a whining child who was found too quickly during hide and seek, but he can't bring himself to care too much right now.

"Credit card." Another clipped reply and Tony feels his frown deepen.

"Dammit. McGee." Tony hisses out, crossing his arms over his chest and dropping his chin. He takes a deep breath before looking back up at Gibbs.

"What do you want?" Tony asks, voice tired, because is it too much to have just one night of peace here.

"I wanted to talk.. I've- I've remembered some other things."

There it is again, that feeling of having his breath knocked out of him. It happens every time Gibbs said he remembered something. At first, it had been hope, then disappointment, then anger, then pain. Now, it was almost like a confusion of all of those things that took the air from his lungs in a harsh exhale.

"Whatever it is, you made your position on how you felt about us very clear last night." He watches as Gibbs lets out a frustrated huff, runs his hand down his face in a familiar gesture that tells Tony Gibbs is preparing for something big or something painful. Probably both.

"I didn't- It was a lot to take in at once, Tony. I was confused."

"You _were_ confused?" Tony asks, hardly daring to breath now, hardly daring to hope. This could be everything he's been waiting for and everything he doesn't need right now both rolled into one package.

"I was." Gibbs takes a small step closer, sincere look in his eye tinted with a kind of awe that Tony hasn't seen in a long time.

"I'm not confused anymore, Tony."

There was a look that Gibbs used to get in his eyes, a gentleness to his face. It would appear when Tony used to crawl into bed and fit himself against his side late at night. It was there when Gibbs would come home to find Tony already there, making dinner or watching the newest OSU game on the TV he'd forced the older man to get.

It was there the first time Gibbs told Tony he loved him. And every time after that.

It was there now.

He hears himself take a deep breath and Gibbs closes another step between them. So close. He could reach out and touch him now. Gibbs beats him to it. The hand that had been hand out stretched extends and brushes against Tony's forearm, crossed against his chest still. That small touch, more caring and wonderful than he's gotten in a long term, sends his body into overdrive. His nerves are on edge, waiting for another touch. There are tears gathering in his eyes. His heart is beating fast and his breathing is rapid. He's not sure he can do this.

"Can we talk in your room?" Gibbs asks quietly, pulling back his hand. Tony wants to follow the warmth, the electricity of Gibbs' fingers. Instead he just nods, turns around and waits for the elevator to return.

* * *

The elevator ride had been awkward. The walk to his room had been awkward. The first few minutes actually In his room had been exceptionally awkward.

"Tony?" Gibbs was perched on the edge of the sofa, watching Tony pace around the room slowly. Tony stops, frozen once again, and turns to face Gibbs.

"Tony, come sit down so we can talk? Please." Tony swallows, gives a jerky nod and then takes the seat in the armchair to the right of Gibbs. His fingers immediately go to picking a loose cotton thread in the chair. Fingers searching for anything to distract him in his distress.

"I don-" Gibbs starts, but Tony cuts him off.

"What did you remember?" It comes out quick, mumbled. Tony drops his head down and looks away from Gibbs once the words come out.

"I.. I remembered something about you and your past. About Italy and it's importance. I'm sorry I forgot Tony. I'm so sorry I forgot." There's a sincerity to Gibbs' voice that Tony forgot even existed and it makes him raise his head to look at the other man. There are tears in Gibbs' eyes that he's blinking away hard. Tony's never seen Gibbs cry. Not once.

"The night outside my apartment. With the pizza. After you'd been an asshole all day." Tony makes it half a statement, half a question. Gibbs nods.

"Do you remember everything about them, about what happened?" He needs him too, needs him to remember why Italy is important, but more so how important is was that Tony told Gibbs about it. He was the only person, outside of the director, that knew about what had happened in his past. It was a big thing, that trust. He needed to know that Gibbs understood that.

The gentle look is back in Gibbs eyes, soft and kind and verging on something incredibly familiar that it makes Tony want to cry in gratitude for its return.

"I remember it all.. I remember everything you told me that night. I'm sorry I ever forgot that you told me about them. About your family."

Yeah. Gibbs gets it.

Tony's waited so long for this. So fucking long. And here it is, literally less than a day before he will disappear from Gibbs' life for 6 months.

He's crying before he realises it happens. He hadn't meant to, it just.. Started. DiNozzo's aren't meant to cry, that much was beaten into him when he was taken back by his father. DiNozzo's don't cry. They aren't weak. They do not give into emotion. Ever.

Tony knows he isn't his father, but sometimes it feels wrong to break those rules. Tonight is not one of those nights. Not when Gibbs practically launches himself out of his seat and towards Tony. Pulls him out of his seat and into the warm embrace of his arms and Tony cries harder. Gibbs' fingers swipe at the tears on his face that are just replaced by new ones. Tony ducks his head, burrows into the curve of Gibbs' neck and he still fits there perfectly. Like that spot was made just for him. Gibbs once told him that Shannon fit there perfectly too, so did Kelly. Tony had taken that as a good sign.

"I've missed you. God, I've missed you." Tony whispered into Gibbs neck tiredly, tears slowing into lazy, salty tracks on his cheeks. He feels one of Gibbs' hands move from behind his neck to around his face, cupping his jaw and lifting him up until they were eye to eye again. Breath ghosting over breath, lips a hard thought away.

"I'm so sorry. I never meant to hurt you. Never meant. I don't know why. You're more important than anything." Tony knows how hard it is for Gibbs to just open up like this, bare himself like this and not flinch away from wide open emotions. He feels the way Gibbs' lips brush lightly against his as he exhales each word heavily.

"I know. I know." Tony mumbles hurriedly in reply, and then their lips are together. He can taste the salt from tears and the hunger of more than a year apart. There is hurt and confusion, pain and hope and the possibility of reconciliation here. Tastes like home and warmth, cinnamon and sawdust, bourbon and peppermint toothpaste. Hands pawing at backs and sides and necks until Tony moves his hands and cups Gibbs' face, pushing him away slightly.

"What is it? What's wrong?" Gibbs sighs, panting for breath, eyes glazed in a way Tony has missed immensely.

"I just- we- I leave in the morning." Tony replies in a whisper. Gibbs sighs again, leaning his forehead against Tony's and closing his eyes. Tony still has his hands wrapped around Gibbs' face lightly, holding him as close as he dared without getting lost in kisses again.

"I know you do. What do you want to do?" Gibbs asks, and a slight tone of fear creeps into his voice. That after everything, remembering and opening up and just being here, that Tony would say no and turn him away. He sounds resigned too, like maybe that's exactly what he deserves.

"More of this." Tony sighs with a small chuckle. "But we can't. One night isn't going to fix everything between us before I have to leave. We can't do this now, not without fixing everything else first."

"You're going to be gone for months. How do we fix this like that?" Gibbs asks quietly, eyes closed, forehead still against Tony's.

"Emails, phone. Get McGee to show you how to use Skype on my laptop at your house. You could see me everyday that way, if you wanted to." There's a slight nod against his head.

"I want to." Gibbs sighs.

"Good." Tony smiles, a real smile for what feels like forever. He's missed this. Just talking, just being close. Gibbs takes one final deep breath of Tony, his scent and forces himself to remember the way he felt wrapped around him. Warm and safe, familiar in a world of things that he still wasn't quite up to date with. Then he pulls back and lets go.

"I should go home, let you get some rest before your flight." Tony nods but closes his eyes tightly.

"I'll miss you." Tony gets out, almost under his breath, opening his eyes just in time to see the smile curl up at the corners of Gibbs' mouth.

"I'll miss you too, but you're ready for this. You'll be perfect for this." Tony gives him a little, sad smile

"Six months." Gibbs whispers, almost like he's just realising this. How long he's going to be gone.

"Yeah, six months." He replies, letting it sink in that this is really happening. He's really going to be leaving. Gibbs pushes forward, pressing his lips against Tony's forehead and leaving them there for a second.

"Fly safe. I'll see you when you get back." His lips move against his skin and Tony gives a sigh at the feeling, closes his eyes against the sensation. Keeps them closed as the sensation moves away, as a chill takes place of the familiar warmth. Doesn't open his eyes until Gibbs is gone.


	9. Alexis and Frustration

**I'm so sorry it's taken me so long to get this up! Anywho, i hope you like it :) **

**All translations are from google translate because i do not speak Italian or have Italian speaking friends. All translations are at the bottom.**

** Also, the r key and the v key don't work on my keboad so i'm using the on-screen so if some are missing them i apologise!**

**Let me know what you think :):)**

* * *

The flight was terrible, even if Tony had bought his own ticket in first class instead of using the ones the FBI had supplied him with. Nine and a half hours in coach? No thank you. There had been disagreements over his licence to carry an armed weapon on the plane, problems with his laptop going through security and an hours delay before he even got onto the aircraft. After that, it was a lot of hours of being unable to get any rest and going over and over what had happened last night with Gibbs. The entire thing had been unexpected, and almost unwelcome. Tony had waited months and months for Gibbs to remember even the tiniest detail about their life together with no such luck, but just days before he was due to leave the team, the country, for six whole months at least he remembered some of the most important things that had happened between them. That was messed up and painful, leaving Tony to question his decision to leave. Although he knew that this was what was best for him, it not having been just the situation with Gibbs leading to his decision to leave NCIS, it was difficult to know that if he wasn't doing what he was doing right now he could be back in DC trying to fix a relationship he had all but given up on.

Stepping off that plane at Naples International Airport, some of that pain and confusion alleviated. The air was warm and familiar, the scent of salty ocean water and the conversations going on around him in Italian worked in the same magical way they had since he was a child and he immediately felt like he was home. The entire process on this side was easier, collecting his bags just fifteen minutes after stepping off the plane and heading towards the incoming lounge. A quick glance around showed him Alexis, her husband Marcus and their daughter Maria, named after Alexis' grandmother sitting directly in front of the '_Benvenuti in Italia' _sign beside the exit. Grinning to himself, he dragged his bag along with him towards the waiting for him. Maria, just three years old now, saw him coming first, leaping out of her mothers grasp with a shout of '_Zio Tony!_'

Tony let go of his luggage and hold all, crouching down and spreading his arms wide in anticipation of Maria running straight into him. As predicted, the tiny girl threw herself into Tony, wrapping her arms around his neck and looking up at him with impossibly wide blue eyes. He loved this child as if she were his own, having flown out when Alexis had gone into premature labour and arriving just seconds before Maria had made a dramatic entrance to the world eleven hours after the phone call. Since then he'd been at every birthday, talked to her on the phone once she was old enough to form words and Skyped with the entire family at least twice a week.

"Ciao, bella." Tony whispered into the top of her head, breathing in the familiar smell of newly baked bread and the apple shampoo she'd used since her brunette curls got long enough to need it.

"Missed you." She smiled up at him and Tony laughed.

"Ah, you've been practicing your English." He smiled back, and looked up at the sound of Alexis and Marcus chuckle.

"Of course she has, how can we ever expect to visit her Zio Tony, if she does not know the language of your country, sì?" Marcus laughed, as Tony arranged Maria on his hip and stood. Both Alexis and Marcus pulled him into a hug and after a small debate Marcus took Tony's bags and followed them through the lounge and towards the car.

"You know, you are welcome to stay with us instead of spending more money on finding an apartment in the city." Alexis looked over her shoulder to Tony as he strapped Maria into her child seat. He pressed a kiss to the small girls head before moving around and getting into the back beside her.

"I know, Lexi, but my job can be dangerous and I won't put you in any danger because of it. Don't worry though, I'll be expecting you to feed me as often as possible." Tony winked at her, pulling another laugh from Marcus and a mock glare from Alexis as they pulled away from the parking lot.

"Speaking of work, when do you need to start, do you have time to come to the house today for cena?" Marcus glanced over back momentarily, gaining a smile from Tony.

"I'm not expected for briefing and introductions until the morning, and I'd never say no to your mogli's food." He got a toothy grin and a cheer from Maria once he confirmed he would come for food, and Tony leant over to tickle her side.

"No, no! Zio Tony, fermati! Fermati!" She giggled as Tony held his hands up in apology and leaned back into his chair.

"Ah, Maria what did I tell you? We speak English with Tony, you must keep practice." Alexis scolded.

"Oh never mind that. If you have to learn my language then I should use yours, huh 'Ria?"

"Sì!" Maria called, grinning up at Tony. Alexis just sighed in good nature and rolled her eyes, settling in for the rest of the ride to their home. Tony had arranged an apartment further into the centre of the city, but Alexis' and Marcus' house would always be home to him in Italy. They had moved into the same house he had stayed in as a child, the one which Isabella and Maria, along with a child Alexis, had lived in. Though they had expanded massively on the house over the past few years. He had fond memories there, felt safe there. If it was practical, he would have stayed there the entire time he was in Italy. Putting this family, his family, in danger like that was not acceptable though. Exposing Maria to the possible case files and weapons he would have around would not be in anyone's best interests.

Pulling up to the drive way to the house, Tony let out a sigh of contentment. Although extensions and new floors had been added to this, it was all centred around the modest home that he and his mother had found sanctuary in all those years ago. He could still picture Isabella leaning against the door watching a young Alexis and him playing, and Maria shouting them in for _pranzo_ or to help with some household chores. He could see his mother and he curled up on the porch swing wrapped in an old afghan reading the Italian version of Alice and Wonderland and talking between themselves about how his dad was like the man version of the queen of hearts and the people they were staying with like the cat and the hatter and everyone else who tried to help Alice. This was his home, Italy his country. When he was in America, it was sometimes easy to forget just how much this place means to him, but with it here and for six months no less, Tony can't imagine he would ever want to go back again.

* * *

Gibbs was a mess. His thoughts were jumbled, confused and hard to decipher. The small amount of sleep he'd gotten once he'd left Tony last night had given him dreams that he couldn't figure out were real or not. Images of Tony cooking pasta in his kitchen as he wrapped his arms around him from behind and buried his head in Tony's neck. Of kisses and hot breath against his skin and touches that were accidental but entirely welcome. He had words floating around like '_forever_' and '_love_' and '_home_' that he could only just grasp inside of his head, there was no memories yet to go with it besides the ones at the bar when Tony had apparently told him he loved him.

His confusion is frustrating him, and he knows he's taking that frustration out on the team. They have been left to cold cases now that they are down a senior agent, something he'll need to get around to fixing eventually. Ziva has been looking over at him with sly, smug glances and he knows that she thinks she'll get the position even if she hasn't been here as long as McGee. He knows, however, that he will not give the position to her. Ziva is self-important and righteous, something he had ignored in favour of thinking her a substitute daughter along with Abby. There is no way she could take on the work load and responsibility that comes with being a senior field agent.

"Got something you want to say, David?" He barks at her as she shoots him another look. Gibbs takes a kind of satisfaction in the way she flinches a little. She sighs and then comes to stand before his desk, arms crossed and glancing between him and the empty desk across from them.

"DiNozzo has abandoned us now, yes? So would it not be wise to choose a new senior agent and find another probie as our forth team member?" The awful smug smile is back on her face again and Gibbs questions how he ever missed that she had gotten this bad.

"I'll pick a new SFA when I'm ready, Ziva. And Vance has already assigned us Dorneget as a new member." He stood and rounded his desk until he was directly in front of her. "And this is the last time I'm going to tell you, David. DiNozzo did not abandon us. We pushed him away. I hear you say it again and I'll put you on desk duty for a month." Ziva's mouth opened and closed but she said nothing, instead huffing in indignation and stomping back to her desk. Gibbs turned his head, catching McGee glancing up at him from his computer screen.

"Got something to say, McGee?" He inquired, clenching his fists in an attempt to control his frustration. McGee shook his head adamantly.

"No, boss. Nothing." Cam the quiet reply. Gibbs felt slightly guilty for snapping at him, knowing that McGee regretted his actions regarding Tony over the past year and wished that he had taken the time to apologise before DiNozzo had left this morning. If anyone was going to be his new SFA, is would be McGee. He had more experience at NCIS and a better personality than Ziva right now, not to mention a conscience and an actual moral code. If he put bets on it, Gibbs reckoned that McGee could become almost as good a 2IC as Tony had been. Almost.

"Good. I'm going for coffee. You both _stay here _and work on these cold cases." He shot a look at Ziva, knowing that recently she had taken up disappearing to Abby's lab to discuss what was apparently Tony's betrayal.

Stepping out into the front of the Navy Yard to gather his coffee, Gibbs sighed. He should have known he wouldn't get through this entire day without an interrogation over last nights search for Tony. Fornell was slouched on the bench opposite the coffee vender, watching Gibbs through his sunglasses as he ordered his coffee and made his way to the bench seat beside the other man.

"Gibbs." Fornell started, taking a long drink out of his coffee and waiting for him to start speaking. They sit in silence for at least five minutes before Gibbs sighs again and drags a hand down his face.

"I found him at a hotel near the airport." Fornell nods beside him, encouragement to carry on. "I had to find him because I remembered something about his life, and people he considers family in Italy and I- Jesus, I just don't know how I forgot something like that. So I found him." Tobias turns to him, face unreadable.

"You remembered about Alexis?" This time, Gibbs nods.

"How did you know about them?" Gibbs inquired, certain from what he recalls that Gibbs is one of the only people who knows about that situation.

"The day you got hurt, I found Tonio drunker than drunk in a bar. Sobbing over Italy and relationships and everything. By the end of that night, I knew all his secrets. He doesn't remember telling me, but I kept an eye out for them when Tony was too distracted to. It's a hard story to forget, even with brain damage."

"I can't figure out why I remember so little about.. Us.. When it seems like such an important thing." Gibbs huffed in frustration, sipping at his coffee. Fornell shrugged.

"So, you found him?" The other man inquired, tossing his empty cup into the bin beside him.

"Yeah, waited for him at the hotel lobby. He found me, we talked. Told him I got some flashbacks. We urm.. We kissed." Gibbs would deny to his dying day that he _did not _blush as he admitted that. "But it stopped before it got to anythin' more. He's gone for too long, but apparently we're gonna try and work things out over the phone and something called Skype till he gets back." Fornell snorted.

"Skype huh?" He chuckled, Gibbs shot him a glare until he shut up. "You got some crappy timin' there, Gibbs. Boy's going to be distracted nine ways to Sunday now." Another sigh and a nod.

"I know, but I couldn't wait until he came back. Anything could'a happened in that time."

"And anything could happen in the time he's away. You gotta let him make those decisions though, cause no matter if you meant to or not, you broke that boy in almost every conceivable way. You and that team of yours." Gibbs didn't respond to that, just sipped his coffee and refused to look back at Tobias. Moments later, after a huff of frustration, the FBI agent left and Gibbs was alone once again considering the consequences of his actions.

* * *

The time difference was always confusing to Tony the first day of being in Italy. When he'd left DC it had been four in the morning and if he was still on DC time he would have landed at half past one in the afternoon. Italy, however, was six hours ahead and it had been half past seven by the time he'd gotten in the car with Alexis and the family. Almost Maria's bed time, although she was clearly not tired and being kept awake with excitement. They got to the house at around quarter past eight, in time for a late supper and then Tony had tucked Maria into bed with a story about princesses fighting for their own freedom from the tower. Marcus worked late nights in Naples financial district as their resident computer genius and so Tony was left to while away the evening with Alexis.

"I've missed you too much, Lexi." He whispered as she passed him a beer.

"Ci sei mancato anche a noi, fratello." She replied with a smile, cuddling in next to him, head against his collarbone. Tony reached up, stroking his fingers through her hair softly.

"How have things been here?" He inquired softly, sipping at his beer.

"The agents still watching us occasionally check in, although I am sure we do not need the protection any longer. Maria is starting a nursery in the autumn and all else is well. Very well. How have things been in America, are you any happier?" She moved against his chest, looking up with eyes identical to Maria's, wide and imploring.

"You will have protection for as long as my father is alive, Alexis. And I'll see about getting the nursery an agent also. I can't take risks with you all. And.. Things are confusing. Before I left, there was progress, but we are far away from each other now. I don't know how it will work out." Alexis frowned up at him, reaching a hand up to pat gently at his cheek.

"Odio vederti così triste, amore." She whispered up at him, and Tony smiled gently down at her.

"I'm not so sad anymore, Lex. He is remembering a little now, maybe one day we can fix what was broken." Sitting up a little a depositing her own bottle on the table beside them, Alexis patted his chest lightly.

"If you are as meant to be as you once believed, Tony, then you will fix it. I am sure." Alexis' grin was something Tony would never take for granted, and it made him both happy and sad in ways he couldn't explain. She was flashing it at him right now as she stretched and stood. "Now, you need to get to that apartment in the city and some sleep, I am sure you are as tired as always with the time confusions. Come and see Maria once more before you leave. You can take my car, i will collect it sometime tomorrow as an excuse to see your apartment."

"Bene, bene." He smiled at her, leaving his half empty bottle and following Alexis upstairs to say goodnight into her silent, dark bedroom. She was sleeping, but it was habit to say it once more before he went anywhere. One last look into the room and then Alexis was leading him to her car, kissing his cheek to say goodbye, and sending him on his way to his new home.

* * *

**Translations:**

**_Benvenuti in Italia'_ - Welcome to Italy.**

**_Zio Tony!_ - Uncle Tony**

**_Ciao, bellea_ - Hello, beautiful.**

**_Cena_- Dinner**

**_Mogli's_ - Wifes**

**_Sosta!_ - Stop**

**_Pranzo_ - Lunch**

**Ci sei mancato anche a noi, fratello - We have missed you too, brother.**

**_Odio vederti così triste, amore._ - I hate to see you so sad, love.**

**_Bene_ - Okay.**


	10. Teams and Unexpected Communication

**Hey there. I'm so sorry i've been gone for so long, life's being a bit of a doozy and then i had a holiday. I'm not a fan of this chapter, it's more a filler chapter and then hopefully we'll get into the more interesting stuff planned next chapter when my muse decides to become useful again. Hope it's not too bad!**

* * *

The apartment was more than he had hoped for. Although the estate agent Alexis had recommended had told him it was spacious and modern, this was both of those things in abundances that before he had not believed apartments could have. Open plan living area's, kitchen and dining room, two bedrooms, en suit and a balcony. Cheap too, for everything that it was. There was even a guard and a check in desk for visitors. It's actually pretty nicely decorated too, from what he can see, but he's so exhausted that setting an alarm on his phone and collapsing on the sofa seems like a good idea. Tony would have tried the bed, but that meant walking extra and then deciding whether it was worth it if the bed hadn't been made. Alexis had left him with sheets and comforters and towels in the trunk of her car, sure in her knowledge that Tony probably hadn't planned that far ahead, but it seemed like so much more effort to actually make it than it was to yank off his jeans and sleep on the sofa for one night.

That is, if he could sleep.

The place was lovely, seeing Alexis and the family had been wonderful and Italy still felt like home to him, but there was something missing. There had been something missing for months now, but before, in DC, he'd known that Gibbs had at least only been about half an hour away at the most. It would take him longer than that just to organise a flight to see him from where he was now, and this apartment felt painfully empty. It had taken so long to get used to sleeping alone, to not waking up with his head pillowed in Jethro's chest with an arm around his shoulders and soft, warm breaths against his hair. But he'd managed it, once he'd gotten familiar and comfortable in the new space. Now he was going to have to do that all over again.

Italy was supposed to be something he and Gibbs did together this time. They were supposed to come here, stay with Alexis, become one whole family of mismatched personalities and stubborn arguments. He might have to interpret the Italian, and Gibbs would laugh when Tony would short hand it, change the words around to make it innuendo or something that made the other person look like a bumbling fool. Italy was a dream that he'd prayed would come true, because it would be perfect. Alexis, Maria, Marcus and Gibbs. The best family he could have hoped for.

He'd stopped praying for it a month ago, stopped dreaming about it only a few days ago. When he'd left NCIS for good. There had been no doubt in his mind then that Gibbs had forgotten him, forgotten them. That he would never get the family he hoped, dreamed and prayed for. Now, with all the confusion of leaving and kissing and remembering, Tony wasn't exactly sure to do with the dying flame of his secret desire to have them all together at last.

His thoughts kept him up for hours until exhaustion won over and he fell into a fitful sleep for a few hours. A blaring alarm woke him up at half five, and Tony had grumbled and groaned, aching from a sleep deprived headache and caffeine withdrawal. He had to move though, it was going to take him half an hour to get ready and another to get to the FBI/Interpol HQ here. There was a meeting scheduled for him to meet the teams he was now in charge of at seven and there was no chance he was going to mess this up on the first day and be late.

The shower in the en suit of the master bedroom was amazing, relieving him of his exhaustion at least until he managed to get some coffee, and his best suit had been at the top of his suitcase ready for this morning. He'd already asked Alexis if he could use the car to get to work this morning, luckily, given that he wouldn't get the company one until at least tomorrow, and it wasn't long before he'd gotten to a decent place for coffee and then headed out towards his new job.

Nerves twisted in his stomach, mixing with the excitement. Tony was ready for this challenge. Had been ready for a challenge like this for years, really. Senior field agent had been something he had clung to because it was the only way to be near Gibbs, to be always watching Gibbs' back. That had become more important to him the more he realised his team mates were probably not watching out for danger towards others as well as they should have been. But it wasn't pushing him, wasn't something he was giving his best to anymore because it was familiar and repetitive and he knew somewhere inside that he deserved better, deserved more than to be the 'boy' under the most feared NCIS agent to date.

Being in charge of so many people, being under pressure and experiencing all these new things. Tony knew that this job was going to be good for him. He might be trying to restore something with Gibbs, but that may or may not work and as much as it hurt to think that he knew that at least in Italy and this new role in his life he could try and move on.

* * *

His teams, the twenty eight people formed into seven teams of four, were better than he could have dreamt of. They had all been together before, entire units moved from other agencies into this one joint program. Each team worked differently, but they each were a coherent and put-together group of people, and he had no doubt that with some time and effort, maybe some mass group exercises, all teams would be working together in synchronicity. It was beautiful in a way he didn't think he'd ever seen before; the way they worked with him and then each other, the way they looked at him and told him that they'd heard great things about him, that they knew he'd fit right in here as a leader, as a confidant, as a friend. It was things he'd been desperate to hear for a while now, even before Gibbs' injuries. They made him feel good and confident, it was the first day in what felt like forever that he didn't think of Gibbs and want to cry for everything he had lost.

"We did a little digging into you." The leader of what was going to be Team Alpha, the first to be called, had told him unashamedly as his team stood confidently beside him in Tony's new office. "You have quite the reputation." They were from London, members of an Interpol team working in undercover situations. Tony had smirked and nodded, leaning against his desk.

"All bad, I guess. Skirt chasing, immature, distracted." The smirk turned self deprecating and the four people stood before him turned their blank expressions into confused frowns in scarily synchronised motions. Michael, the lead of the team shook his head, the movement slightly mimicked by those stood around him.

"Quite the opposite. Committed, hard working, loyal." The men were still frowning at him as he opened his mouth in a surprised little 'oh'.

"I guess those were not things you were told back home. That'll change here, I'm sure. Welcome to Italy, Sir." Michael nodded with a smile, and with military precision they all turned and left his office. They were his last meeting of the day and that final emotional overload had exhausted him. He slumped into the comfortable chair behind his desk and just breathed deep for a little while before glancing around. Tony had been in this office pretty much all day and hadn't really had chance to look past what had been pointed out to him. Computer, TV screen connected to his screen, large meeting table, desk, safe. Mostly, it was like a lighter, more approachable version of the office of the NCIS director. The clerk who had shown him inside had informed him that he was free to do whatever he wanted as far as décor went, if he could pay for it, but Tony was enjoying the simplicity of it. It was light, free, welcoming. It was a place he could be comfortable and powerful all at the same time. Perhaps, If he settled in here like he wanted to, he would bring pictures, hang paintings. Not yet though. For now, he could just revel in the newness of it all.

The rest of the building, new as it was, felt just as comfortable as his office, but that might have just been because there was no memories here. No pain, no sadness, no horrors. There was a large room, dark and secretive, that was exactly like MTAC, a break room that looked like an extravagant non-alcoholic bar lounge, a large area filled with desks, computers and screens for the teams. An autopsy and a forensics lab. All the facilities were better than he'd ever seen, and he'd been inside the Pentagon. It was overwhelming and amazing all at the same time.

He wanted to share it with someone.

Tony's first thought was Gibbs, like it usually was, but he didn't know what was going on between them and he almost needed Gibbs to make the first move here. Wanted the other man to make the first phone call, to learn how to use Skype for him, offer up the effort and commitment that was going to be required to fix them. Instead, he loaded up his computer and opened Skype. It would be around nine in the morning in America, being five in the afternoon in Italy, and hopefully Ducky and Palmer would be somewhere near the NCIS Autopsy computer.

It rang through and through until Tony was just about to cancel the call; when Palmer, looking flustered, opened the call and grinned at him through the webcam.

"Tony! Hey, how's things?" There was the vague sound of surprise and things moving about before Jimmy was pushed aside a little and Ducky appeared in the screen.

"Anthony, my dear boy! I do hope you are ringing to tell us Italy is as wonderful as you imagined?" Tony nodded, grinning at them both.

"It's amazing, Duck. The teams working for me are unbelievable, the apartment from what I've had chance to explore is great, Alexis, Maria and Marcus are wonderful." Palmer was nodding in approval beside Ducky's smiling face.

"Sounds marvellous, lad. I do hope you remain this jovial about it."

"I bet it's so warm? Is it warm? It's raining in DC, has been since about five this morning and it's supposed to go on for days. I'd kill to be in Italy right now- well, not literally but.. Y'know." Jimmy stumbled until Ducky shot him an amused glance and his face turned beet red and Tony chuckled at him.

"Yeah, remember last years week long heat wave?" The other two both nodded. "It's about that warm right now." Jimmy sighed in envy, smiling cheekily. They made small talk for a while, discussing flights and what he planned to do with any spare time before the atmosphere turned more serious.

"How're things there?" Tony asked quietly, leaning back in his chair and watching as both men became tense.

"Well.. If the weather outside is chilly, then the atmosphere around here is subzero." Ducky replied quietly, glancing at Jimmy who was glaring at his hand in something akin to anger. An emotion not often common on his face.

"What's happened?" Tony inquired, leaning forwards in his chair. "Jimmy, something happen?" The other man shrugged his shoulders before sighing.

"I took blood samples to Abby ten minutes ago for another teams case, she refused to talk to me until I was leaving and then said, and I quote; 'You talk to DiNozzo anytime soon, you tell him we're doing better without him.'" Palmer's face was horrified. "I'm sure she didn't mean it though, you know how Abby gets, and Gibbs hasn't been in a great mood and you know how she reacts when Gibbs is anything other than his normal grumpy-" He cut off as the doors whooshed open behind them and the man in question walked through the door. Gibbs had a larger than average cup of coffee in his hand and an especially sour look on his face.

"Ducky, anything on- Oh.." Gibbs froze just past the doors, staring silently at an equally shocked Tony through the computer screen.

"H-hey Gibbs." Tony stuttered.

* * *

Tony might have been gone from the country for only a day, and Gibbs had seen him less than 48 hours ago, but he hadn't been in the bullpen in what felt like a lifetime. It didn't help that Ziva was self righteous and superior, still, and that McGee was slinking around like a guilty puppy. They were already drowning in the weight of the work that usually Tony would do, floundering in his absence and they had only had the case in since seven that morning. It especially didn't help that Abby was mirroring Ziva's feelings about the DiNozzo situation, and being childish on top of it. Things were very different now, in Tony's absence.

Walking into autopsy and seeing him frowning through a computer screen was like all the air had been sucked out of his lungs.

All morning he had been contemplating making the leap and asking McGee to teach him about this Skyping thing, or shelling out on the long distance charge and calling Tony, but he hadn't been able to build up the courage. They might have kissed the night before Tony had left, and made promises to try and make this work as best they could until Tony got back, but actually doing it was a totally different thing in practice. It meant talking through things, feelings and memories and discovering things he had forgotten about. The task was daunting, and although he knew he should make the first move, actually doing so was something he was putting off for a while.

Then, suddenly, Tony was there through a screen, alive and well and definitely not just a theory. He would have to start acting on what they had promised to each other now.

"H-hey Gibbs." Tony's shaky voice came through the computer, an uneven smile on the mans face. Still, Gibbs was frozen until Ducky and Palmer threw him disappointed looks.

"Hey, DiNozzo." He replied gruffly, scratching the back of his neck. Tony's sigh of relief echoed through the room and Ducky stood.

"Come along now, Mr Palmer. Let them talk." Both men gave each him and Tony a small, encouraging smile before they disappeared from the room and towards the elevator. An awkward silence descended over them until Gibbs sighed and moved to sit in Ducky's desk chair.

"So.. How're things over there?" Gibbs asked hesitantly, eyes squinting at the screen. Tony chuckled nervously and ran his hand through his hair.

"It's great, really great." Tony replied with a small smile, a genuine one. It felt like forever since he'd seen a smile like that from Tony. Like forever since Tony had anything to smile like that about. It made him feel guilty for hating the fact that Tony wasn't here with him. Things like this are much easier to do over a cowboy steak and a beer.

"That's.. That's really great, Tony. The teams good." The other man looked apprehensive, like he knew whatever was said next would make Gibbs any happier.

"They're.. well, they're kind of the best I've worked with." Once again it felt like the air had been dragged out of his lungs, like a punch to the stomach. Almost like a betrayal, but not, because who hurt who first here? He drove Tony away, and he knows the team has been messed up ever since his accident. There is no way Gibbs can blame Tony for being happy with teams that actually function well. Instead of giving a biting retort about how they might have been able to be good again, if Tony had just stuck around, Gibbs nodded and forced a smile.

"That's really good, Tony. Really good."

"Yeah." Tony whispered back in relief. They made small talk for a little while before Gibbs sighed.

"Listen, Tony. I have a case to start working on, so I gotta go, but.. Maybe I'll call you tomorrow at lunch? It'll be what, 8 there? That okay?" Tony nodded.

"Yeah, I'll be home by then hopefully." Gibbs nodded again, frozen in his chair by the familiar feeling of an oncoming memory as Tony waved awkwardly and ended the online call, screen showing his face going back. Gibbs blinked heavily, searing Tony's imagine in his mind as the memory rolled over him.

_Flashback;_

_"I'm done for the day, but I think the Director wants to see you about the report before you head on out." Gibbs told Tony, meeting him at the doors to the elevator outside of Autopsy with a small smile. Tony nodded and rolled his eyes dramatically with a put-upon sigh._

_"I know, but it was a rightful kill so it shouldn't take too long." He replied, green eyes glinting as he ran his eyes down Gibbs' body suggestively. Gibbs felt the heat rise through his body, following the trail of Tony's gaze._

_"Down boy." He muttered quietly, averting his eyes to the metal of the door in front of them as Tony's chuckle rang through the hallway. He loved that sound, honest and truthful as it was breaking free from the man beside him. It was a good feeling, knowing that even after seven months of this, they could still make each other blush, smile, laugh. They didn't say anything else as the elevator came and they climbed up towards the bullpen. Everyone else was gone by the time they got back up, being way past the end of shift. They had stayed behind to confirm some things on Tony's shooting of the suspect. A quick glance around after he had grabbed his things showed a completely empty area, so he made his was over to Tony, pulling him into a swift, hard kiss. There was a surprised, muffled sound coming from Tony before he pulled away, and his_ _green eyes were bright and wide as they also looked around before settling on Gibbs._

_"So, I'm ordering in. Greek do?" Tony nodded, catching his breath still._

_"I'm ordering by half ten, whether you're there by then or not." Gibbs continued, smirking at Tony's petulant frown, before it turned into a sly grin and the predatory look in his eyes returned. Slowly, he pulled away from Gibbs and headed towards the stairs leading up to the Directors office, glancing behind him before he disappeared up the stairs._

_"I should be home by then, hopefully." He winked, sending shivers down Gibbs spine. The familiar sound of Tony's laugh echoed before he completely vanished from view upstairs and Gibbs had to shake himself off before he could get moving again and head home. It always made him happier than he knew what to do with, when Tony called his house, home._

_End Flashback_

Gibbs sucked in a deep breath as the memory faded, leaving him with a feeling of heat spreading through his body as the remnant feeling of Tony's gaze on him.

God, this was going to be a long six months.


	11. Phone Calls and Investigations

**I don't even have an excuse as to why this took so long, I guess I just lost my motivation with writing this and it took me a while to get it back. However, I now have a plot in my mind again and motivation to write, so hopefully all will be well!**

**Enjoy :):)**

* * *

As much as the nervous butterflies in his stomach had encouraged him not to, Gibbs had made that call the next day, getting what sounded like an exhausted Tony on the phone.

"Hey, Gibbs." Tony sighed, he could hear the sounds of a keyboard being tapped and hushed voices somewhere in the background.

"Still working?" Gibbs asked, leaning against the railing where he was watching what was left of his team working below. Not that they had anything important. Ziva was still being petulant and righteous, no matter how many times he shot both her and Abby down on their views on Tony leaving. McGee just looked a little lost, crestfallen, sneaking little glances at Tony's empty desk and turning like he was going to make the usual snarky comment that got them into verbal jesting only to realise the other man wasn't there. It was difficult and tense to say the least, and that was without the added pressure of Ducky and Palmers disapproval of the way Tony had been treat up until his leaving.

"Yeah." Tony sighed out. "Big case coming in from London, i have two teams out in the field so i gotta stick around until it's dealt with." Gibbs hummed non-committed. It felt weird, not being up to date in every detail of DiNozzo's professional life. For years now he'd been the one giving Tony orders, leading the missions that Tony went into, and now Tony was in charge of so many people, making big decisions in faraway lands. There are parts of him that are immensely proud, but the rest of him is irrationally angry that he doesn't have Tony here with him now. He tries to justify it to himself, that if Tony was in DC Gibbs would have his six and wouldn't have to worry, but he knows it's not that, not really. And for the longest time, it would seem like he hadn't had Tony's six at all. Really, he just misses Tony, and he misses knowing he's there even if for a year now he hasn't appreciated him like he should.

"Oh, yeah? Anything NCIS can do for you from here?" Gibbs offers, hoping in some way that he will be read in, able to help, involved again in Tony's life. There are niggling images in the back of his head, words and exchanged kisses that he can only just glimpse at before the memory is torn again. They make his heart ache in a way that it hasn't since Shannon and Kelly. Tony let out a tired chuckle.

"Not this time, thanks though. Listen, i'll call you tomorrow around the same time? We're getting ready to start moving and they need my full attention." Gibbs manages to mutter a confirmation for the call before Tony is rushing a goodbye and he's left with a dial tone in his ear. He sighs, clipping his phone onto his belt and dragging a hand down his face in frustration.

_Flashback_

"_Gibbs, please, just- I need to know what to do here, it's confu-"_

"_Tony, you've been doing this for years now. If you're too much of a child to do it yourself, then why don't you ask one of the two other qualified agents sat around you? I'm sure they can show you how to do it." Tony sighed heavily, making Gibbs grit his teeth in frustration. All he'd done was go on a coffee run and DiNozzo couldn't cope for five minutes without him. It wasn't the first time the kid had become a nuisance recently either, he'd been more and more distracted, almost disobedient. Gibbs didn't know what the hell was going on, but he was done with it today._

"_Boss, please-" Gibbs just flipped his phone shut, effectively cutting Tony off and breathing out with relief as the woman at the cart handed him his coffee. Tony would just have to cope without him for another five goddamn minutes. _

_End Flashback_

It was one of many times he could recall after the explosion, of becoming increasingly annoyed with Tony's need for his attention, his inability to do the most basic of tasks. Of course, now he knows why DiNozzo was so distracted, so desperate for Gibbs to show him some attention even if it meant acting like an idiot. The guilt that twisted in his stomach was close to painful. Even-though he knows he couldn't have helped not remembering everything about him and Tony, he didn't have to treat him with such contempt and downright cruelty. Heck, it had even spilled out into other team members, the others acting with the same disregard for Tony as he had. Abby had repeatedly belittled him when he was in charge, as had the others. The team disregarded his orders, followed their own direction and put everyone in danger. Ziva and McGee had committed the worst faux pas, turning off their radio when Tony was out in the field by himself. Which was still something he was going to have to deal with, severely, soon. There was no question as to whether they deserve to be punished for what they did, and he would put the wheels in motion soon. Starting with telling Vance; and by the prickling feeling on the back of his neck, the man in question was standing right behind him.

"That DiNozzo on the phone?" The man in question asked as he sauntered up and leant against the same railing that Gibbs had his elbows against, still watching his team working. Gibbs just nodded, watching as Ziva slammed her desk draw too harshly and then shot a filthy look at Tony's desk.

"How's the kid doing out there in Italy?" Vance chewed on his toothpick innocently, like he didn't know exactly what Tony was up to at that very moment.

"Like you don't know." Gibbs scoffed, turning his head to look at the other man. Vance raised his hands in mock surrender.

"All i know is about his operations, and what the director of the FBI tells me. I don't know how he's really dealing with it all." Gibbs sighed again, heavily, watching as Ziva stood and stalked out of the bullpen, probably to go and have another discussion with Abby about Tony's apparent 'treachery'.

"He's.. good. Busy, i guess. He's got teams out in London at the moment on a mission, but you already knew that." Vance shrugged. "Sounds tired, but it's only his second day, Tony'll catch his stride soon. He's good at what he does, and he likes a challenge."

"Is that what you remember or a guess?" Vance questioned, eyebrows raised, causing Gibbs to shrug this time.

"Bits and pieces i've remembered, but it's just a feeling that he'll be good at this. Should'a been outta here a while ago, not working under me. He's been ready for his own team, or teams, since before the explosion."

"Damn right." Vance muttered, causing Gibbs to chuckle without mirth. "Just rather we hadn't lost him to the FBI."

"Tell me about it." Gibbs mumbled in reply. They stood there in silence for a while, watching as Ziva came back into the bullpen, still full of indignation and wrongful frustration. Vance turned to him, pulling the used pick out of his mouth.

"Anything you wanna tell me about?" He nodded down towards his two agents, both of them hardly doing anything that resembled work. Gibbs considered for a moment, but he knew that regardless of the consequences or what it would do to his already fractured team, Vance needed to know what the agents had done. Luckily, Tony hadn't been injured during the time they had the radio on silent, but it could have gone so differently. And there is no saying they wouldn't do it again, and Gibbs couldn't risk people's lives like that.

"Yeah." Gibbs pushed off the railing. "Let's talk in your office."

* * *

The text came in from Jimmy maybe two hours after he'd been on the phone to Gibbs, just as he was heading to the late night coffee shop down the road from the FBI-Interpol headquarters. He had two techies, his PA and the heads of two other teams still with him in their version of the MTAC room, and they were lagging. His teams had been called out to London very early that morning, and the mission had been toeing the edge of 'too dangerous' ever since they stepped onto UK land. People had been rushing about all day, both in Italy, in London, and over in DC with the counterpart to himself, and the ones with him were in need of coffee and food while there was a lull in the action.

**From Palmer: **_**Ziva on warpath, Vance knows about radio silence incident & they are being investigated. McGee ok with it, Ziva might try to contact you. Just a warning.**_

Tony sighed. He had expected this to happen, but had hoped it wouldn't be during such an important, hectic time. Although he knew it would cause more trouble, there was a moment of contemplation where he thought about not answering when she inevitably called him up. Tony shook himself out though, placing the orders for coffee and whatever pastries they had left. It would only cause more damage if he ignored her, and there was still a part of him that wanted to make things right between them, no matter what she had said or done in the past few months. There was also a part of him that was hoping McGee would try and contact him too, and answering one call but not the other would cause tension back in DC that he wanted no part in.

**To Palmer:** _**Thanks for the heads up. Will be on lookout. Busy atm will Skype tomorrow w/ you and Duck?**_

The text had literally just sent when his phone began to ring, he handed the money over to the woman behind the counter but left the items on the counter, taking a deep breath and answering the call, bracing himself for whatever she was going to say to him.

"Ziva?" There was the sound of an angry, deep breath being sucked in on the other end of the phone, and her voice was heavily accented as it only was when she was either tired or angry.

"_I cannot believe you ratted McGee and I out to Vance. You know that turning off the radio was because you were being annoying and you would not shut up! You were never in any danger." _She hisses at him. In the background he can hear what sounds like McGee mumbling anxiously.

"I didn't say anything to Vance, you were there when Gibbs found out. You're angry at the wrong person." Tony sighed in response, smiling a little at the woman behind the counter who gave him a concerned frown.

"_None of this would not have happened if you had not thrown a tantrum like a child and abandoned us! Now we cannot work active cases and McGee and i are being investigated because of a little mistake." _Ziva sounded like she was set to rant for another hour at least, and Tony really, really didn't have the time for this.

"Ziva..." She was talking again and he could hardly catch what she was saying, half of it lost in other languages.

"Ziva!" The angry ranting paused at his harsh tone. "I want you to listen to me, because i'm not going to listen to you like this again. I did not abandon you, i took a great opportunity offered to me, where i got paid better, got to be in a country i love, where i know the people around me will watch my six at all times. And as for it being a '_little mistake'_, Ziva, the suspect could have been there and i could have been made. I could have been hurt. And who's to say you wouldn't do it again, when it's more dangerous. You deserve to be under investigation, and it's your own fault."

"_How dare you-" _There was sounds of scuffling along the line, Ziva exclaiming and then her angry huff distantly.

"_Tony?"_ It was McGee on the other side of the phone, sounding as quiet and unsure as he had when he'd been a more-than-green probie.

"Hey, Tim." Tony smiled a little. He knew, always, that McGee was influenced by Ziva and Abby into the way he had acted. The kid was confused, unsure of who to support and who to be frustrated with, and he was a sucker for a dominant personality. Tim didn't know how to say no to someone, and even Tony had taken advantage of that at one point or another.

"_Listen, Tony, she didn't mean that. Her and Abby, they're just.. confused about you leaving and what we do as a team now."_

"Yes, she did, McExcuses. You know that." Tim huffed in what might have been laughter.

"_Okay, maybe she did, and i'm not going to make excuses on her part. But, Tony... I really am sorry about everything. I know i should be investigated for the things i did that day, and probably more. I'm just glad that you're safe. Is Italy going okay?" _Grabbing his things off the counter and giving another smile to the nice woman behind the counter, Tony started making his way towards the headquarters. It was taking so much time talking to the people back in DC, but he really needed to get back to work, get back to making sure the people relying on him are safe.

"Thanks Tim. Italy is good, great even, but i'm busy with teams on a mission right now so i gotta get back, but if you want to talk some time send me an email or a text and we'll figure it out okay? I'll be back in six months, and it'd be good if we could catch a beer together."

"_Yeah, sure Tony. Good luck!" _The call ended just as Tony was scanning in through security again, and Tony felt relieved for the first time in what felt like forever. Yeah, Ziva might be major pissed at him, but the one person he was unhappy about leaving things badly with was now making amends. A ten minute trip to the coffee shop and Tony had come back more awake and alert than he had since that morning, and with one less burden on his mind, it would be easier to deal with the mission that needed his fullest attention.

* * *

There had been a tension inside his building that had been growing increasingly with each day since Tony had announced his resignation, a faint under-current of anger, confusion and frustration that had what was left of his best agents on edge and increasingly snappy. He figured that once Tony actually left for Italy, Ziva and Abby would settle down a little, but if anything their annoyance became more and more pronounced, their feelings of betrayal increasing with each muttering of Tony's name or reminder of him throughout the office.

Vance had been waiting for the day that Gibbs would come to him looking for disciplinary action against McGee and Ziva for the radio silence incident, knowing that it was quite possible that it would be the day that this all came to a head, he just hadn't been expecting it to be so soon. Usually, Gibbs held back bad information on his agents for as long as possible, but apparently even he had reached the end of this tether with their actions.

Gibbs had, however, asked him to go a little easier on McGee. The kid, no matter what, was still a probie that was learning, who didn't know how to say no to people like Ziva or Abby. He was apologetic; a little lost without Tony there, and knew he had done something incredibly stupid and potentially dangerous, unlike Ziva who was clinging to her righteousness.

The cold, empty voice that Ziva had used when she informed him that it wasn't something worthy of punishment given that Tony had 'abandoned' them was chilling. The disregard she had for someone who Vance himself knew once considered her like a family member was disconcerting, and her cocky, stubborn attitude was less than attractive. He had wanted to suspend both of them without pay for the investigation, but knew that he couldn't do that without causing more outrage, possibly losing their Mossad Liaison, and reducing Gibbs' team down to nothing. Instead, he grounded them completely to the office, removed anything that could possibly be considered 'classified' from their cold case stacks and made sure they knew that anything and everything that could be uncovered would be during the investigation. McGee looked more confident than Ziva at that point, which Vance knew was probably justified, and he was perversely interested in finding out what he could on Ziva David's murky past.

He had collapsed back into his chair once the agents left, intending to fill out the forms to start the investigation and figure out what the hell to do about replacing the people to do the work Gibbs' team usual does. A glance over his desk, however, reminded him that Tony's resignation forms were still tucked away beside his newest case files. They still needed filing, and he would do that, just as soon as he called Bob over at FBI to get some things sorted out.

There had been one worry about Tony leaving for Italy between himself and the FBI, and that was Anthony DiNozzo Sr. His obsession with his son, and the women that had taken him in, was worrisome even all these years later. One man does not spend that much time searching for people, covering up their murders, just to let it go. And now Tony was with the survivor, and her family, in the one place that they could be sure that his father still had surveillance on. Now that Tony was there, the chances of him being alone were significantly lower but his chances of being in danger were much higher. All the people that a deranged, obsessive man is focused on in one town, seeing each other on a regular basis? It was too much a of a risk.

He needed to call the FBI, figure out what was going on with the people who were supposed to be observing Tony's father, perhaps have a security team in Italy work on protecting at least Tony's family. There was only so much they could do from the US when the possible targets were halfway across the world, but Vance did not spend all this time keeping DiNozzo safe to lose him because of a new job.

Gibbs would never let him hear the end of it.


End file.
